Markham's Journal
by Fanwoman
Summary: The city is flooding; most are dead or drowning. In the bay are two active Jumpers with a handful of survivors. We know what happened to Weir's ship. This is the story of the other, a tale of survival as told from one Sergeant's point of view.
1. July

NOTES: This detail demon has been bugging me since last March, so I thought I'd exorcise it by putting it on paper, so to speak. In the other Weir's world, when Atlantis was flooding, there was an active Jumper with six people in it, including a Sergeant. Weir never saw them die. Since Markham has/had the ATA gene, it's possible he was the Sergeant in that Jumper and that they survived...

DISCLAIMER: _Stargate: Atlantis_ and all things associated with it belong to other people, though Tamura and Gupta are mine.

SPOILERS: Before I Sleep

RATING: T

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MARKHAM'S JOURNAL 

July 23, 2004

I've never been very good at writing reports. I've always been good at avoiding them. I figured, surrounded by so many PhDs on Atlantis, some of their skills would rub off on me, though now I'm thinking book learning doesn't necessarily make you good at writing reports. Either way, I'm going to keep this log of events as a record of what's happened since we stepped through the Stargate to Atlantis. Dr. Corrigan tells me my view is just as important as any of theirs, and being in the military makes my perspective unique. So here goes.

Atlantis was amazing. It was all metal and glass, with lots of stairs and vertical lines that were kind of uplifting. I would never have guessed such a horrible thing could happen in such a beautiful place. That it had been waiting all those years for someone to return only to be destroyed when someone did return seems pointless to me. Why did they leave it intact for us to discover in the first place?

All the lights started going on when we arrived, like magic. Col. Sumner left me in the Gate room with Maj. Sheppard and Lt. Ford while he and the rest of the guys spread out to secure the area. Dr. Kavanaugh tells me this was the primary contributing factor to the fall of Atlantis, but I heard the chatter on the radio between Dr. Weir and Dr. McKay and think there's not much we could have done differently.

It turns out Atlantis really was a sunken city. It was lying on the ocean floor when we arrived. I suppose we'll never find out why, but it makes me worry about what could drive a people that powerful into hiding. I figure that's the only reasonable explanation. If the energy expenditure for shielding the city from the sea was so great as to put the city at risk, why else would they bother? The Asgard are really powerful and they've been barely surviving the Replicators, so it's not beyond the realm of possibility that the Ancients were in hiding from an equally powerful enemy. Then again, there was no structural damage like you'd get from any sort of armed conflict, so it didn't seem like there had ever been any fighting within the city, not that we got to see much of it. It still had potted plants, all dead, of course.

The Gate room was in a sort of tower in the center of the city. Only a few levels had been explored when Col. Sumner figured out we were underwater and Dr. McKay figured out we were in trouble. That's when things started falling apart. The city's shield had been holding back the water, but our arrival drained what was left of the energy. There was no hope of gating home and only a small chance of gating to another planet in Pegasus using our own generators. So the shield started collapsing, and the city started flooding with everyone scattered. Col. Sumner was one of the first to die.

Dr. Weir sent Maj. Sheppard and Lt. Ford to a room above the Gate room where a bunch of small ships had been discovered while Dr. McKay and Dr. Grodin tried to figure out how to use the Stargate to escape the city. Maj. Sheppard reported the ships could hold several people each but piloting them might be a problem. Little did he know how right he was. About the same time, bulkheads started trapping people in the lower levels. Dr. McKay told Dr. Weir to go to the ships while he tried to open the bulkheads, open the landing bay roof and figure out how to gate out. I don't know how he thought he had any chance of doing all that, but Dr. Simpson assures me if anyone could have done it, it was Dr. McKay.

Dr. Weir ordered Maj. Sheppard and Lt. Ford to gather as many survivors as they could. I was one of the ones Lt. Ford took to the bay. He went back for more after ordering me to stay in the ship. It was about then that the Gate room became sealed off and began to flood. That's when Dr. McKay turned his full attention to opening the roof of the landing bay so those of us who'd made it to ships could escape. Maj. Sheppard had only managed to get Dr. Weir and one scientist onto his ship, while I had mine almost full with five. Lt. Ford never made it back to the bay.

I'm not used to doing this with a pencil, so my hand is cramping. We've got a long day, tomorrow, so this is enough for tonight.

July 25, 2004

I never thought I'd be digging latrines on an alien world, but I never though I'd be marooned on one with no modern necessities, either. Everyone pitched in, but Dr. Corrigan and I did most of it. For a PhD, he sure knows how to dig a ditch. Seems he's done some archeological work in his years as an anthropologist. He might not be Marine material, but he's pretty tough. He told me people who've spent the day digging a latrine together should call each other by their first names, but for the record, I'll continue referring to him as Dr. Corrigan here. After all our hard work yesterday, today's a bit more relaxing, so I have time to write some more.

So I was in a ship in the landing bay with five civilians. The ships seem to be just the right size to fit through a Gate, so I figured, if they did dial to another part of Pegasus, we could get down there somehow and follow them through. But then the city trapped us in the bay and the Gate room flooded.

I have the gene that lets you work Ancient technology, so the ship turned on for me. This was good, because otherwise we'd all be dead. Maj. Sheppard also has the gene and was the only officer left, but he was in his own ship, across the bay. The bay was in the top of the tower, so it was one of the last rooms to flood. I admit I was a bit panicked. I've lost guys before, but never so many, so fast.

I tried to get orders from the Maj. He was having problems of his own, since his ship was apparently different, that and they were still trying to figure out how or if the bay roof opened. One of the others must have closed the rear hatch. I should find out who. All I got from the Maj. was an order not to panic. Then he was gone. Dr. Simpson saw it, too, or I'd have questioned my sanity. One second the Maj.'s ship was there, the next, it wasn't. That's when it hit me that I was all that was left, a Sgt. with a ship full of civilians. Somehow this calmed me.

I got them all to quiet down, though Miss Gupta, who's a nurse, couldn't stop crying. I explained the situation to them as calmly as I could. We were in an alien vehicle and I needed to concentrate to figure out how it worked if we were going to live. Dr.s Corrigan, Simpson and Kavanaugh can all read Ancient, but they were only so much help. Just like you might expect in a personal vehicle back home, it's not as though there was an operator's manual. Through trial and error, I eventually figured out the basics, but it took a lot of bumps and time. By then, the whole place was flooded.

The roof of the bay was open when we got to it, though whether it was an automated response to our approach or the work of Dr. McKay, I don't know. Dr. Simpson insists it was because of Dr. McKay. She believes only an intentional override would explain the roof being open while everything else was under an emergency shutdown. Dr. Kavanaugh says it's speculation, but so far Dr. Simpson's instincts have been right on the money. I'd like to believe it, since I heard Dr. Weir tell Dr. McKay to escape, but he stayed behind to keep working at trying to save the others and us. Either way, I'm thankful it was open.

July 26, 2004

Dr. Tamura is a botanist and she's been testing the plants. Together with the big bird I shot and the fish Dr. Corrigan caught, she cooked us our first non-MRE meal. It boosted morale, which we really need. After the loss of so many people and the possibility of our being stuck here for a very long time, sometimes the only thing that keeps us going is work. Fortunately, there's plenty of that.

Once we cleared the tower, I took it to the surface slowly, since I didn't want to risk the bends. Dr. Kavanaugh thought it didn't matter, but Miss Gupta backed me up. I also pointed out we were in an emergency situation and that I was both the only military and the only pilot. That quieted him down, though I understand his need for escape.

I still think it's strange that there were no fish or plants anywhere near the city. The Dr.s have speculated the force field that had held out the water adversely affected fish, so they'd want to avoid the place. We've found fish elsewhere, so there must have been some reason for it.

Once we made it to the surface, I learned to fly the ship. Fortunately, it was a calm, clear day, but there was no land in sight. The Dr.s Simpson and Kavanaugh got into an argument over the best course of action. Dr. Kavanaugh was worried the power in the ship was as depleted as that of the city. I guess flying bothers him more than underwater travel. Dr. Simpson believes there's no reason to think the ship's power is low because it wasn't in use like the city's shield. Fortunately, everyone can swim, so if it had come to that, we might have made it anyway. It was Dr. Corrigan who was the most help. He took the copilot's chair and coaxed me through several mental exercises. One of them resulted in a map popping up on the windshield of the ship. It showed land, so we headed toward it.

Dr.s Corrigan and Tamura agreed we should land along a fresh water route near the ocean for the most diversity in the ecosystem, diversity that could be vital to our survival. I was too busy flying the ship to worry about it too much, but in hindsight, I appreciate the wisdom of their choice. They picked a nice spot and I flew us there. We've been camping in some caves near a stream about 3km from the beach.

Once we landed, I lost track of things for a bit. It was as though I'd done my part and could shut down for a while. Miss Gupta says it was stress and all of us were suffering from it. I've been in a lot of bad situations without the stress getting to me like that, but I suppose I've never been in a fix quite like this. Before, I always knew there was a larger service out there to back me up, but not anymore. Yes, I knew the risks coming out here, but I never imagined being the sole surviving member of the military. At least back home, you can go to a funeral, you can see that the person has died. I've seen nothing, not one body. It's hard to believe they're all gone.

July 27, 2004

Miss Gupta created a trio of solar showers today. I don't quite know how she managed to make it work, but she washed and cut the MRE wrappers and melted them together to form big bags. Then she attached some tubing to smaller bags full of holes. You hang the bag up and open the tube between the bags by releasing a medical clamp. When left in the sun, the water in the bag heats up well enough. We guys threw up a quick shower stall made out of bark like we use for the latrines and agreed the ladies should have the first go at it. It was the first smile I'd seen on Dr. Tamura's face. I went last, though Dr. Corrigan suggested I needed it most. I'd traded my deodorant to Dr. Kavanaugh for a pair of Snickers. I figure we'll all be stinky sooner or later, but if smelling nice for a bit longer is worth the last candy bar in the galaxy, more power to him. My bag of water hadn't had as much time to heat up, but it was a lot better than the stream. Warm showers and hot food: score two for the ladies.

After we landed, Dr.s Corrigan and Kavanaugh set off in search of the caves we're using for camp. I wanted to go with them, but Dr. Simpson insisted I stay and work on figuring out the ship's systems. It's not like any of them can make the thing go. So she worked with me as we went over the ship in great detail. She kept track of everything in a notebook, figuring the computer power needed to be reserved for more important uses. Yes, we have a computer, several computers, actually. But this is how I found out some of our supplies included notebooks like this one.

While Dr. Simpson and I worked on the ship, Dr. Tamura and Miss Gupta cataloged all the supplies we had with us. Our supplies may be fairly slim, but we could have done a lot worse. Miss Gupta had grabbed some medical supplies, including a basic medical kit, pain killers and antibiotics. She says she's no surgeon, but if any of us breaks something, all we'll need to figure out is a sling or crutches. We also have three computers: two standard laptops and a handheld one that does something more specialized with probes on cables attached to it. Dr. Simpson has been using it to figure out the ship's systems. We have my pack and Dr. Corrigan's, which include hand axes, folding shovels, blankets, shirts, MREs, etc. though the MREs are nearly gone, now. I have several more clips for my P-90, but not my 9mm. The P-90 is more useful for hunting, anyway. Dr. Tamura brought her personal bag, which has a variety of everyday items. She's expressed embarrassment over not bringing something more useful, but the other ladies are grateful to have more clothing options. We're all grateful to have more toothpaste and soap. Dr.s Simpson and Kavanaugh are responsible for the computers and a few other technical supplies. Somehow we ended up with a box of notebooks. No one will admit to bringing it, but it's turned out useful in the end.

It was while testing out the ship that Dr. Simpson and I discovered a handheld Ancient device that detects life signs. I'm the only one who can use it, which is fine, since I'm the one who can use the P-90. Finding game is pretty easy with this thing. We also were able to figure out how to use the radios with the ship's communications. Dr. Kavanaugh said he lost a few years when we contacted them over the radio. Seems he'd forgotten he was wearing an earpiece. Dr. Simpson also figured out a way to recharge the computer batteries using the ship's power, though there's been some debate as to the sense in this.

Dr. Simpson has argued since the first day that we have to go back, if only to leave a message in case Earth tries to gate to Atlantis. I agree with her, though Dr. Kavanaugh disagrees, which seems to be a pattern with him. The others are uncertain. I suggested we try to fly to another planet or something, but that idea was shot down quickly, since Gates tend to be impossibly far apart. Dr.s Simpson and Kavanaugh say the ship is space-worthy, so I don't understand why they're so reluctant to try it. If it can fly in space, doesn't it make sense there's something in space to fly to? It's not as though there's ever been a Gate in space. Neither Dr. Simpson nor Dr. Kavanaugh can figure out how much power is left in the ship. I suppose running out of power somewhere up there would be a pointless way to go. Dr. Corrigan would like to use the ship to scout for ruins, which might lead to another power source, another Gate or some other useful technology. He argues the Ancients are the Gate builders, so having another Gate like Earth once did makes sense. Dr. Kavanaugh thinks we should conserve the power of the ship for emergencies and practical purposes, such as construction, though I'm not clear on how we'd manage that. He also thinks risking the ship and lives isn't worth leaving a message. His best argument is that it's just as likely or more likely that anyone coming to Atlantis from Earth would be using a ship, not the Gate. We know the radio and the ship's communications are compatible. He believes we should reserve the energy for monitoring potential radio messages. He's also suggested we try to send an SOS, though he and Dr. Simpson argue whether the ship's communications can make a signal that would escape the planet. Dr. Corrigan worries such a distress call might attract unwanted attention. I don't see how that's possible if the nearest Gate or anything else useful is likely too far to fly to.

There have been missions involving underwater Gates, so we know the possibility exists. MALPs do okay for a bit underwater, too. If we don't leave a message, then if Earth does manage to gate to Atlantis, there's no reason for them to think anyone survived. Working on the assumption the ship might have a shield like the one that had held the water back in Atlantis, Dr. Simpson has put all her effort into figuring out a way to create a shield around the ship. It extends beyond the hatch when it's open. In theory, we can use the ship's force field to hold back the water while setting out a message, then close the hatch, deactivate the field, and leave the message without ever getting wet. We've tested it in the creek. The big question is could we get to the Gate room if we did go back? Dr. Simpson is willing to try and has come up with a preliminary design for a message. If it increases our chances of ever getting home, I'm all for it. Maybe the others are still in too much shock, but this plan gives me some hope.

July 28, 2004

Today, we held a memorial service for those who died on Atlantis. Dr. Kavanaugh thought we had better things to do with our time, but I agree with Dr. Corrigan and Miss Gupta. It's been a week, and we need some sort of closure, something to make it real. We're not on some camping trip. We're surviving. We're stuck here until who knows when. We also need a chance to grieve. Besides, it may be Wednesday back on Earth, but resting once every seven days is a good idea.

Together, we went down to the shore. In a nice clearing overlooking the sea and the direction of Atlantis, we built a shrine of sorts, one stone for each person who died. Everyone spoke about friends we'd lost, even Dr. Kavanaugh. Dr. Tamura was so choked up, she could only speak in Japanese. Miss Gupta sang something in Hindu, I think. Maybe it was a prayer. I don't know what the words meant, but the sentiment was right. I left my lucky poker chip I won off of Sgt. Stackhouse last year. I figure I've used up all of my luck just being here. Most of the others left something, too. We did what we could. All I can do is pray their souls find peace, even though we're so far from home.

We spent the day on the beach, eating some of the last MREs and some of the stores of nuts and dried fruit Dr. Tamura has been having us gather. She taught us about edible sea plants and how to harvest and dry them. I never thought I'd be grateful for seaweed, but she says it has important nutrients in it, at least similar ones on Earth do. I had my deck of playing cards. Although I didn't feel like playing, the others seemed glad for the distraction. It almost felt unreal, relaxing on a beautiful beach while stranded a galaxy away from home. To be something other than weary seems somehow wrong after losing so many people.

We got back just before sunset. Dr. Simpson pulled me aside to tell me she was determined not to let her friends' sacrifice of their lives go to waste. She said she didn't want to spoil the day with an argument, but she intends to return to Atlantis to leave a message, with or without the approval of the others. Since she can't fly the ship, she needs my help. Without it, she sees no point in trying, since she doesn't know how to build a boat, sail nor deep sea dive without equipment. I think if she did, she'd do it solo. I told her I was in.

July 29, 2004

We built a second shower and Dr. Corrigan taught us how to make charcoal, which is more complicated than you'd think. We also dug an official trash pit by expanding and deepening a hollow that's over the hill and usually downwind of our camp. Dr. Tamura and Miss Gupta insisted we have one for health reasons, especially with us changing over from nearly waste-free MREs to local fare. Dr. Tamura also instructed us about composting and started a heap relatively near the cave. She swears, if properly maintained, it won't smell. Digging the pit was slightly less exhausting than digging the latrines.

July 30, 2004

It really hit the fan, today. It rained. We only have the two sets of outdoor gear. Dr. Tamura insisted on continuing her research into the plants here, as well as gathering what food she could. So she took one coat and Dr. Corrigan took the other to go fishing. He's really good at it, so I didn't think twice about it. Now I wish he'd stayed. Not only would I have preferred to have been fishing instead of caught between Dr.s Simpson and Kavanaugh, but Dr. Corrigan never seems to get angry, always seems to have a different perspective on things and has knack for soothing the tensions between these two. I don't. I'm used to one person being in charge and making the decisions with everyone else obeying. This decision by committee stuff is a pain. I don't know if I should try to be in charge or not, but I'm not sure I could if I tried. Being the youngest, least educated person in the group doesn't help.

Things started out all right, with all of us cracking open the nuts we'd been gathering over the last week and storing the meats in an empty equipment container. We also played some cards and told stories of home. Eventually Dr. Simpson brought up her plan to return to Atlantis to leave a message and that I had agreed to help her. It got pretty ugly. She and Dr. Kavanaugh both said some terrible things. Miss Gupta didn't say anything, but I could tell she would have liked to have been someplace else. I tried to be diplomatic about it, but what it all boils down to is that I'm the only one who can fully operate that ship. If I want to go back, the others can't stop me. And if Dr. Kavanaugh cared so much about the rules he's always referring to, then he'd appreciate our situation gives me, the last military member of our party, authority. I said as much and that's when Dr. Kavanaugh really lost it. I thought he was going to take me on. He's a pretty big guy, but I almost wish he had. Maybe it might have settled things between us. I don't know if it's my being the only one to have the gene or my being in the military or my siding with Dr. Simpson or what, but he has definitely made me the target of his issues. We really shouldn't be divided, but there's no uniting over this.

July 31, 2004

It rained again. I didn't want to spend another day in the cave with Dr.s Simpson and Kavanaugh, so I went with Dr. Tamura to the beach to collect seaweed and shellfish. I figured, with me to help and carry what she finds, she can gather more. Miss Gupta didn't want me to go out in the rain without a coat for fear of my catching cold, but the weather's been mild enough. It wasn't so bad, though I'm beginning to wonder if my pants will ever get dry again.

Doctor Tamura is just as methodical as the other Dr.s, but there's something about the way she does things that's more precise and intense. She's already on her fifth notebook, cataloging everything. Plus she can draw amazingly well, though I suppose that makes sense, given her field. Dr. Corrigan seems to be better at explaining things, though both he and she are equally practical in their outlook. They both know food's going to be our biggest concern and based on the rings of a tree we cut down and the variety of plants, Dr. Tamura says there are probably seasons here similar to the US's Mid-Atlantic region. We should expect occasional freezing temperatures in winter and the possibility of gatherable food running out. The Dr.s Simpson and Kavanaugh claim there's probably no milder climate for us to move to on this continent, though I don't quite follow how they worked that out. Since Dr. Tamura is the best qualified to figure out what will and won't kill us, she seems to be relentless in her studies, as though every minute is precious to our survival. How she figures anything out with no equipment, I don't know, but she has yet to steer us wrong. We brought back a pretty decent haul.

Another day with Dr. Kavanaugh in the cave drove Dr. Simpson to the ship for testing. At least that's where she was when we got back. I feel sorry for Miss Gupta, being stuck with them like that, but she said something about it that got me thinking. She said Dr. Kavanaugh is just worried, though it comes out as anger. I don't know why I didn't think of it before now. Dr.s Kavanaugh and Simpson are the only two of us who have worked together prior to gating to Atlantis. They know each other well enough to get on each other's nerves easily. Unlike the rest of us, he still has someone he knows personally to lose, someone who understands him. I guess I'd be leery of losing the last person I really knew, too, but I'd like to think I wouldn't let it get in the way of what needs to be done.


	2. August

NOTES: Thank you for all the wonderful reviews! You have no idea how happy they've made me; I really didn't think this would get much notice, since there are no leading characters in it. As a part of Markham's personality, I've incorporated some odd punctuation and other quirks into his writing. So if you happen to notice, those aren't errors; they're intentional. Thank you PurpleYin for betaing this.

DISCLAIMER: _Stargate: Atlantis_ and all things associated with it belong to other people, though Tamura and Gupta are mine.

SPOILERS: Before I Sleep

RATING: T

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MARKHAM'S JOURNAL

August 1, 2004

It was an important day. The weather was good, so Dr. Simpson and I went back to Atlantis. Thankfully, the others had given up trying to get us to change our minds. During our slow descent, Dr. Simpson figured out how to measure the ship's power output and power reserves. She says there's plenty of power left in the ship to do almost everything we might want.

Atlantis was so perfectly intact, it looked like it could be a real city with people living in it, instead of the tomb it really is. It took her a while, but Dr. Simpson was eventually able to open the hatch to the Gate room. As soon as she did, we heard clanging against the hull of the ship. I was hopeful and horrified all at the same time, thinking it might be survivors but knowing there couldn't be any, especially after a week and a half. Then we saw some containers float past us. We both agreed we'd have to collect them when we were done.

The Gate room was a grim place, with many bodies, including those of Dr.s McKay and Grodin. It really shook Dr. Simpson, but she followed through with our plan as quickly as she could. It worked just like she'd said, but then she spotted a generator. She insisted on trying to get it, but no matter how we tried, every time the ship's shield activated it would push the generator outside the field. The displacement of water caused by the shield activating also disturbed Dr. Grodin's body, causing it to move creepily. I finally convinced her to give it up, but she had one more request. When we left, she closed the Gate room hatch again. There was just enough energy left in the city to do it. I think she didn't want the bodies disturbed. I appreciate the sentiment.

We took our time getting to the surface, again, in case of the bends. On the way, I tried to distract Dr. Simpson with a question neither of us had discussed. What happened to Maj. Sheppard's ship? It had become like a dream in my memory, so it was nice to know she remembered it, too. Plus, it got her mind off what we'd just been through. She had several theories. Perhaps they activated some sort of teleporter like the Asgard use. But if they had, then where were they now? Such a device would probably use a lot more energy than propulsion, which might mean they may be stranded somewhere. But if they were still on the planet, why had there been no response to our initial radio communications? Considering Maj. Sheppard's natural ability with Ancient technology, we agreed it was likely they had gotten to wherever they went in one piece. Perhaps some second party had teleported them away. Although more far-fetched, time travel and dimension travel are also possibilities, since it might explain their ship being different as easily as a teleporter. Plus it would explain why they don't seem to be anywhere now. Dr. Simpson can argue with herself as easily as she does with Dr. Kavanaugh.

I managed to keep the ship on the surface without swamping it while Dr. Simpson gathered everything that had floated up. Once we were done, we radioed back to the others, though only Miss Gupta had a radio with her. I was feeling more comfortable with the ship, so I decided to see how fast it could go. I don't know how long it took to get to the continent last time, but it took about half an hour this time around. Dr. Simpson says the ship's controls registered faster than Mach 5. It felt normal, so you would never guess the speed from inside the ship.

They had a bit of a surprise for us when we returned. On the overlook where we'd built the memorial, Dr.s Corrigan and Kavanaugh had hauled some logs and gathered more stones into the shape of Earth's chevron, with our shrine at its point. It was clearly visible from the air. If Earth ever does come to Atlantis with a ship, that should help them find us.

There was almost a feeling of celebration when we got back to camp. The containers were like treasure, though the contents are of mixed usefulness. One was full of syringes. It seemed a useless find without any medicine to go with it, but Miss Gupta pointed out the needles could be used for a variety of purposes, like sewing. Dr. Tamura and Miss Gupta were particularly happy about a big tin of tea bags. They brewed up a pot almost as soon as it was opened. I'd have preferred coffee, but they tell me the way it was packed would have caused the coffee to sink, not float.

The strangest item we picked up is a bottle of champagne. Dr. Tamura was so excited about it that she spoke in Japanese again. It's not that she cares about the drink, which they all say will be terrible because of what it's been through. What matters is that this is the only glass container we have. I hadn't even noticed. Now Dr. Tamura can do some experiments she couldn't do before. Plus, she says the champagne will provide the means to ferment our own alcohol and be used as yeast for bread. Local yeast would also work, but she feels using some from Earth is better. I didn't even know we had any hope of finding something to brew or bake with, but they've decided it's still spring, relatively speaking. They hope to find cultivated grain somewhere, now that we know the ship has the power for exploration.

It's late. My hand hurts. More tomorrow.

August 2, 2004

The second strangest item we found is a chess set. Based on the initials on the box, the Dr.s Simpson and Kavanaugh believe it was the personal item Dr. McKay brought with him. They treat it with a respect that makes me wonder about who he was. Although it's completely impractical, it's good to have something for entertainment besides my deck of cards.

The third strangest thing we salvaged is a microscope. They say it's nothing fancy, which makes them wonder if it might also be a personal item. That it's the only equipment of its kind that was so carefully packed does make you wonder. But that anything was loose enough from the flats they were wrapped in to float away is our good fortune. Dr. Tamura is very happy to have a microscope, too.

We also picked up a variety of plastic items, all of which will be put to good use, and more soap and pencils. No food, though, other than the tea and champagne.

The best thing about our return was that it brought us together as a group again. Dr. Kavanaugh actually congratulated us on our successful mission and safe return. We congratulated him and Dr. Corrigan on their efforts with the chevron marker. Discovering the initials on the chess set made Dr. Simpson a bit emotional and he consoled her, which is the first considerate act I've seen from him.

Now that we know there's plenty of power in the ship, they've switched to using the computers. Dr.s Tamura and Corrigan and Miss Gupta and myself are going to keep using the notebooks for convenience. They're easier to carry, won't break and might as well be put to good use. Miss Gupta keeps a journal, too, but she's also kind of established herself as our quarter master. If you want something, she knows where it is and how much is left. She's also become our barber, though only Dr. Corrigan and I have hair cuts that require any regular trimming. It's nice to be able to use Dr. Corrigan's electric razor again. The Dr.s had given up trying to shave with a knife and I'd been thinking about growing a beard, myself.

I've volunteered to be the one to always carry a radio, so, in case someone comes for us, we'll hear their transmission. Having one person doing it is simpler than taking shifts. The others have agreed.

There was enough sun for a warm shower again today. I shot another of those big birds I'm just going to call turkeys for lack of a better word. It tastes about the same.

Things are working out okay.

August 4, 2004

We took the day off, again, to visit the memorial and spend the day on the beach. This time Dr. Tamura taught us how to create shallows to collect salt. She and Miss Gupta agree we need to worry about having enough, which seems weird to me since salt's one of those things people avoid for their health back home.

Since my last entry, we've built a smoke house for smoking fish and a second water filter, one that will better utilize the charcoal we've made. We also built a small dam for power. It's weird that we have plenty of power in the ship, but we have no motors to convert that into physical energy. As smart as the Dr.s are, they can't figure out how we might do it with the supplies we have, so the dam will allow us to do stuff like churn butter and grind flour, once we catch something that makes milk and find some grain to grind.

We started making plans on how we might catch and transport an animal that makes milk. Since it should be a while before any grain will be ripe, catching livestock is more of a priority. Dr. Corrigan wants to make a map of the continent as we go, so we keep track of where we've been. We've agreed to go on the next rainy day, since good weather is best spent doing practical things.

We ate the first of our smoked fish for lunch. It gets a thumbs up from me.

August 6, 2004

Now we know one of the reasons Dr. Tamura has been able to figure out so much about edible plants. She's been using herself as a guinea pig and today she got sick from it. I found her collapsed on the shore downstream and as I carried her back to camp she told me what she'd done. Miss Gupta made a mixture out of charcoal and some other stuff that made Dr. Tamura throw up, but there's only so much she can do. I can't help but wonder if this is one of the reasons Dr. Tamura has been so intent on teaching us everything she can. Maybe she suspected something like this might happen.

When Dr. Simpson heard of it, she stormed into the cave and ordered me out. She made it clear none of the guys should come back for a while. I have no idea what went on in there, but you could occasionally hear Dr. Simpson's raised voice. It was only then that I considered how much more difficult it must be for the ladies than for us. Dr.s Corrigan, Kavanaugh and I are all from the US. Dr.s Simpson and Tamura and Miss Gupta are all from very different countries. It can't be easy for them.

I just don't understand why Dr. Tamura would do something so stupid. There are only the six of us left. How could she risk one of us? Don't we already know enough about the plants here to survive? Weren't the bottle and microscope supposed to help?

We've been pretty good at never going anywhere except in pairs, but I'm going to propose we make it a rule. I also think we should never travel any distance without one person carrying a radio. What if I hadn't found her when I did? I can't help thinking, maybe if I'd somehow asserted myself more, this wouldn't have happened. I don't intend for something like this to happen again.

August 7, 2004

Miss Gupta had us take Dr. Tamura to the ship to spend the night in a warmer, more comfortable place, so I got to sleep in the ship, too. It was difficult, with Dr. Tamura being miserable in the back, but she seems to be doing better this morning. She was able to sit up on her own and drink some soup. Dr. Simpson came early to help Miss Gupta take Dr. Tamura to the latrines and freshen up. It didn't look like anyone had slept well.

Dr. Corrigan discovered a beehive. He asked me to help him smoke it out and collect the honey, though we'll have to figure out some way of testing it before we eat it. While we were at it, he explained to me his theory about Dr. Tamura. Seems he knows some Japanese. Based on what Dr. Tamura said at the first memorial, he thinks she was in love with someone who died in Atlantis. That wasn't supposed to happen. The people who were chosen for the mission were supposed to be single and unattached and I said so. As he pointed out, it's not like it's something you'd put on an application or mention in an interview. He just thought I should know so I wouldn't bother her with too many questions. I asked him why he was telling just me and not Dr. Kavanaugh, and he said he thinks Dr. Simpson had also figured it out and would tell Dr. Kavanaugh, herself. That would explain what Dr. Simpson did yesterday.

Why did everything have to get so complicated again?

August 9, 2004

Dr. Tamura is better, physically. The ladies now seem much closer.

The others have agreed to my buddy and radio rules.

Dr. Tamura discovered what I'm calling bamboo and she knows a million uses for it. Suddenly, we have a lot of simple utensil options, plus another vegetable. I didn't know bamboo was a food, but when it first sprouts, it's soft enough to eat.

Today it rained, so we started exploring our world. We failed to find any signs of ruins, and our attempt to capture a milk-producing animal ended with what I'm calling goat for dinner instead of one in a pen, but it was our first attempt. Dr. Corrigan plans to make leather out of the hide.

Dr.s Tamura and Corrigan have figured out a possible way of making rope. More rope would help.

The honey is safe. We had our first sweetened tea today.

I got a haircut.

August 11, 2004

It's difficult to believe it's been three weeks. Sometimes it seems like we've been here forever, sometimes like we've only just arrived. We went to the beach, again. The weather is just starting to get warm enough that you only need a T-shirt.

Dr. Corrigan and Miss Gupta both had treats for us. Dr. Corrigan had made a set of pipes out of bamboo and played them pretty well. It was the first music we've had since Miss Gupta sang (prayed?) at the memorial. How we ended up with all that tech equipment and not a single music CD or file, I don't know.

More surprising was what Miss Gupta had made: a frisbee. She really can do the most amazing things with leftover plastic. It worked really well, though Dr. Simpson nearly lost it in the surf.

Dr. Tamura didn't teach us anything today. For some reason, this got me thinking about what I know that the others don't and I realized how my ability to use Ancient technology makes me just as important as the rest of them, maybe even more so. What if something were to happen to me? I can't teach anyone else to fly the ship or use the life detector, but I can teach them how to use the P-90 and what I know of hunting. They all seem to have pretty steady hands, but I've decided to ask Miss Gupta to learn, since she seems good at dealing with cleaning up the animals I bring back for us to eat. Besides, they say women tend to have better marksmanship.

August 14, 2004

We made our first rope today. Dr. Tamura was right about this one plant making usable fibers, and Dr. Corrigan taught us to make the fibers into rope. It's a long process. Spinning it takes two people and is a pain, but we've finally got a decent chance to catch some animals for milk and maybe eggs. Just the thought of eggs makes my mouth water. Sure, I can shoot turkeys and they taste good enough, but there are so many wonderful things you can do with eggs.

August 18, 2004

We've been here a month, if you count a month as four weeks.

We all sat together knotting our rope into a net and sharing stories of friends we'd lost in Atlantis. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night from a nightmare of drowning with them and the loss and horror are as fresh as the day it happened. But today we all told funny stories, we celebrated their lives with laughter. It felt good.

August 20, 2004

Miss Gupta shot her first turkey. She now knows the P-90 as well as I do and I'm learning about medicine from her. Since my training includes first aid, it makes the most sense that I be the one to learn medicine.

Dr. Kavanaugh discovered what I'm calling peas. Tomorrow, Dr. Tamura will lead us on a mission to harvest all we can find. She says it'll take too long to test them for edibility, that we need to pick them as soon as possible or they'll become too old. If they pass muster, it seems she intends to either save the seeds for a fall planting or for next spring. If not, they can possibly supplement the food of whatever animals we might capture

August 25, 2004

It's rained the past two days. After our success yesterday, we decided to stay in today. We played cards and chess and made another net, this one should be fine enough for fishing.

Still no ruins, but we finally caught ourselves some goats, including two females with kids. It was a real team effort. Miss Gupta knows how to milk animals. She's teaching us how while Dr. Tamura figures out the best way to deal with cheese. Finally we'll be able to put the dam's power to good use. Using the microscope, Dr. Tamura and Miss Gupta haven't found anything in the milk that concerns them, but they want to be certain before we all try it. Dr. Kavanaugh has volunteered to be our dairy guinea pig.

August 28, 2004

Dr. Tamura has discovered a plant like a potato she thinks will be important to our future food supply. The plants are still too young to be of much use to us now, but she wants to cultivate them. We've been converting some of the memorial outlook into a potato patch. It's hard work, but I like the idea of eventually having potatoes. Dr. Corrigan made some wooden tools to make dealing with the ground a bit easier instead of using our folding shovels for everything.

With the rain and the increasing heat, we're beginning to have to deal with bugs. Thank goodness we have plastic for storage. So far, no one's had any reactions to anything, but it's annoying. Dr. Tamura is now trying to figure out if burning any of the local plants so they smoke will keep away the bugs without causing us too many problems. I sure hope she finds something. It's not too bad along the stream and by the beach, but the woods can be a pain. I've switched back to long sleeved shirts whenever I go hunting.


	3. September

NOTES: You have no idea how much brighter your reviews are making my gray, overcast January. I'm so happy you all are picking up everything I've put into it, though, fififolle, Tamura is not Miko Kusanagi. Thank you, PurpleYin, for betaing this.

DISCLAIMER: _Stargate: Atlantis_ and all things associated with it belong to other people, though Tamura and Gupta are mine.

SPOILERS: Before I Sleep

RATING: T

* * *

MARKHAM'S JOURNAL 

September 1, 2004

We had our first yogurt today. We had some sweetened with honey and berries as well as goat cooked in yogurt sauce with young wild potatoes. It's not like cow's milk, but it's a nice change of pace. Dr. Corrigan made a kite out of things we've made since we got here. It's kind of scruffy looking, made up of stitched together scraps of goat leather with a bamboo frame and a tail of pounded rope plant, but it works. We all took turns flying it, though the breeze along the beach kept trying to send it into the cliffs and trees. I'd never flown a kite before, which they all thought was strange.

September 3, 2004

It rained. No ruins or grain. But I found a fruit that might be edible and Dr. Corrigan found clay. We're going to build an oven and a kiln.

Dr. Tamura says the peas are good. No peas for greedy goats.

I got a haircut.

September 8, 2004

For fun, Dr. Corrigan had us all make something from clay and we christened the kiln with a firing. It was more work than rest, considering how much wood it took, but it was kind of cool. We now have a few unglazed pots, though I'm not sure how useful they'll be. Dr.s Corrigan and Kavanaugh are still trying to figure out a way to make a glaze. I made some hooks to use for hanging clothes from the trees we use for showers. My stuff always gets a bit wet when I hang it from the shower wall and it falls to the ground half the time when I hang it from a tree. The others thought it was a clever solution.

September 12, 2004

Miss Gupta and I caught some turkeys. It was quite the adventure. I nearly needed stitches by the end of it. We shouldn't have tried it without the others helping, but I'm not sure we could have done it with so many people tromping through the woods. Since we've started hunting them, the turkeys have become pretty leery of us bipeds.

Miss Gupta showed me how to trim their wings so they can't fly, not that she'd ever done it, either. The coop's been built and ready for a while. Now we just have to hope they'll produce eggs.

Tomorrow, we're planning to dig a new latrine. The possibility of eggs almost makes up for it.

September 15, 2004

It's been two months.

Tomorrow is Dr. Simpson's birthday, but we celebrated today with a cake. Dr. Tamura and Miss Gupta made one out of meringue sweetened with honey and baked on one of our metal plates in the new oven. It was topped with custard, the fruit I discovered and more honey. I don't think I've ever had a flourless cake before. I never would have come up with something like that. It was pretty impressive.

Dr. Corrigan pulled another rabbit out of his hat. This time, he gave us volleyball. Admittedly, the ball wasn't great, but we all had a good time. We did one round of ladies vs gents and one round of the birthday Doctor's choice vs everyone else. We barely managed to beat the ladies, but for the second game Dr. Simpson chose me and Dr. Tamura for her team. That game went pretty quick.

I can't really make anything as a gift like the others can, so I offered Dr. Simpson a week of water filter maintenance. We all take turns and hers is coming up. She seemed as pleased with that as her other gifts.

Having eggs is great.

September 18, 2004

I finally convinced them to try going into space and looking for other continents. If Maj. Sheppard was out there somewhere, this was our best chance to find him. It turns out there is no other continent nor anything nearby in space. There was also no response to our signal. Still, I feel better for having known I tried.

Now we know the ship is definitely built for space travel. It was my first time in space, though it didn't really feel any different from regular flying because there was no weightlessness or anything. Maybe we didn't need to worry about the bends.

September 22, 2004

For a change of pace, we took a trip in the ship to some mountains. I hadn't realized how warm it was getting where we are until we were up there. The view was beautiful. It kind of reminded me of Pike's Peak, only without any roads or rest stations. There were some big birds we haven't seen before that were circling up high. We had to take Dr. Corrigan's notebook away from him because he wouldn't stop working on our day of rest. I told him we'll get to study this quadrant eventually. He's beginning to rethink his original theory that the Ancients would have build near the coast.

September 29, 2004

This was my week to play goat herd. We don't yet have the resources to fence off a field for them to graze in or anything, so we have to put them on ropes and take them to different feeding grounds. The closest thing I can compare it to is taking my Uncle Oliver's malamutes for a walk. They pull like there's no tomorrow and they all want to go different directions. Even though there are chances to sit, I had no idea how exhausting it was. Thank goodness Dr. Corrigan made some leather gloves, otherwise the rope burns would be really bad. The gloves we came with are all but trashed at this point and weren't mean for this sort of thing anyway.

Miss Gupta was my goat herding partner. I'm glad it was her because she seems to have a way with them. When the goats settle down to eating, there's nothing much to do. So we talked about all sorts of things, but mainly about home. She's the second youngest of six siblings and all of them are in medicine. Plus her family has four generations in one big house. I can hardly imagine it. My brothers and I all left home after graduating from high school. I wonder how they are, if they wonder why they haven't heard from me in months. I told them it might be a while.

We found another hive and came up with a bamboo apiary. We'll see if it works.

Dr. Tamura thinks she's found a good plant to smoke to keep the bugs away. No one has any problems with it except Dr. Kavanaugh, so we'll be harvesting bug retardant plants along with the fruit, vegetables, bamboo and kindling we gather. I like the latest fruit that's come into season. The flavor reminds me of kiwi.

For our day of rest, we played volley ball again. Even with Dr. Tamura as an opponent, my team won both times.


	4. October

NOTES: Now a wonderful, rambly review from NenyaVilyaNenya--thank you! You all are making me so happy. Thank you, PurpleYin, for betaing this.

DISCLAIMER: _Stargate: Atlantis_ and all things associated with it belong to other people, though Tamura and Gupta are mine.

SPOILERS: Before I Sleep

RATING: T

* * *

MARKHAM'S JOURNAL

October 4, 2004

It's rained on and off for three days straight. Still no ruins or anything else particularly interesting. I kind of feel sorry for Dr. Corrigan. While his knowledge has been a tremendous help, unlike the rest of us, he hasn't been able to actually do any work in his field. Maybe studying our little society is enough for him.

I got a haircut.

October 6, 2004

This week, we did our best to create what will hopefully be a flour mill and all but ruined an ax in the process. We tested it with nuts and it did okay. Now if we could just find some grain.

We hit the mountains for our day of rest, though we went to a different range this time. As usual, Dr. Corrigan rode shotgun and kept looking for any sign of anything that might be ruins during the trip, but he relaxed and played frisbee with us once we got there. We keep telling him if there are ruins he'll find them eventually. He says he knows, but I'm not sure he really means it. Although we're doing okay, its as if he feels our best chance at survival lies with him finding us another Stargate as soon as possible.

The evidence in Antarctica suggests the Ancients arrived here millions of years ago, so Dr.s Corrigan, Simpson and Kavanaugh all think there must be other planets with Gates in this galaxy. The ship seems to have a built in DHD, so if we find a Gate with a DHD that's as low on power as Atlantis was, Dr.s Simpson and Kavanaugh say the ship has enough power to make gating within Pegasus possible. They believe it's possible to use the ship's DHD to activate the Atlantis Gate even though it's underwater, but we all agree it could be devastating to anyone on the other side. Besides, we have no clue about local addresses and it would be a waste of energy to dial randomly. But Dr. Corrigan is sure that if we find another Gate, we'll probably find a list of addresses nearby. That's all well and good, but I know about the bad things you can come across at the other end of the wrong wormhole. This planet has been safe so far, but the possibility that there's something in Pegasus that drove the Ancients into hiding is pretty high. Should we really consider risking our lives exploring it?

We were supposed to explore Atlantis for Ancient technology, the galaxy was not our top priority. We don't even have a MALP to test for breathable air, let alone the SGC and multinational resources to bail us out if we stumble into a sticky situation. We only have so many rounds of ammunition left and I think every one of them should be used for hunting. The more I think about it, the more I think it would be a bad idea to use a Gate to explore Pegasus on our own. If we could dial back to Earth, fine, but otherwise, I think it's too chancy. It's not worth jeopardizing our safety in hopes of finding someone out there who'll help us or trade with us. I just don't know if I should discuss this with anyone now or forget about it until we find something.

October 13, 2004

It's been three months.

I got to be the backup goat herd for Dr. Tamura this week. Maybe what happened with her getting sick affected my perspective, but I'd originally thought she shouldn't have to do it because she's so petite. Even so, she's got metal in her and doesn't let the goats get the better of her. I suppose they wouldn't have let people who'd cave easily under pressure come to Atlantis. It certainly seems to have been the case where we're concerned. Col. Sumner had a bit of an attitude about civilians, but after all the things we've been through and accomplished, I have nothing but respect for these people.

Instead of family, Dr. Tamura and I talked about places. I never imagined botanists traveled so much. Thanks to flying to Antarctica for an interview with Dr. Weir, Dr. Tamura has been to every continent. She can be a bit quiet, but once you get her talking, she has some pretty interesting stories to tell.

Dr.s Corrigan and Kavanaugh tried their first pottery glaze, but it failed. They plan to adjust the mixture and try again when we've got enough wood for another firing. As a side benefit, Dr. Kavanaugh created a set of deodorant stones for everyone while he and Dr. Corrigan were trying to figure out the glaze. It was our rest day surprise. We ran out of deodorant and toothpaste a while ago, so being able to replace one is a luxury. I seem to be the only one who'd never heard of a deodorant stone.

Aside from the stones, we had a fish fry and told ghost stories, even though it's not Halloween yet. Dr. Tamura says summer is the time for ghost stories in Japan, that it distracts from the heat. It sure is getting hot these days. Her story and Miss Gupta's were the most interesting.

The apiary seems to be working. It'll make harvesting honey a lot easier, since the bees here tend to build their nests underground.

October 15, 2004

Since they're better at it, the ladies took the day to collect salt while we guys dug another latrine. I had weeding duty yesterday. I never imagined I'd be digging holes, herding goats and tending a potato patch when I signed on for Atlantis.

October 20, 2004

My birthday was this week and we celebrated it today. Instead of a meringue cake like Dr. Simpson had, I got one of ground nuts and seeds with whipped cream frosting. It was really filling, though the whipped cream melted pretty quick because it was so hot. They humored me and played volleyball. My team won both games again.

I got some great stuff.

Dr. Corrigan made a pair of moccasins for me to wear around camp. Dr. Tamura and I do the most walking, but Dr. Tamura weighs so little, her boots aren't really showing it like mine. I tried the moccasins on and everyone laughed because they look funny with my pants. But they'll extend the life of my boots, so I don't care how they look. They're pretty comfortable, too.

Miss Gupta carved me a comb. Over the months, mine has busted a lot of teeth. She says it's because my hair is too tough and the teeth are too close for it. I learned early on in the military, never argue with your barber or the Chef. So she carved me one that has slightly wider tines a bit further apart. It works like a charm. The handle is decorated with carvings of turkeys. I asked her if it was a comment on my hunting skills or my personality. She said I shouldn't limit myself to one interpretation.

Dr. Tamura gave me a straw hat. It's pretty impressive, with a band made of a salvaged worn out shirt, leather laces and a polished goat horn bead to tighten them. I couldn't believe how well it fit and asked how she knew my hat size. It turns out she and Miss Gupta worked on their gifts to me while goat herding together. Since Miss Gupta is my barber and physician, she knew how big the hat needed to be. It'll be very useful. After all, no one burns easier than me, not even Dr. Simpson. The hat from my pack doesn't breathe very well, so my choices have been wear it and swelter or don't and fry. Now everyone else wants one.

Dr. Tamura also named the fruit I discovered after me. How cool is that?

Lacking in the craft gene like me, Dr.s Simpson and Kavanaugh offered to take my next two rounds as goat herd, which I happily accepted.

October 24, 2004

It rained. This time we finally found grain. It's not quite what we were hoping for, but it's still a relief. We were exploring a quadrant that has a lot of swampy lakes and found what I'm calling wild rice. The sample we took back to Dr. Tamura had her speaking in Japanese she was so excited. She says it's not ripe yet and was probably never a cultivated grain, but it should serve our needs. It'll be difficult to harvest, but we're working on plans for that.

As a bonus, we also found hot springs, though they're no where near the wild rice. We're going to go back on our next day of rest.

October 26, 2004

We visited the hot springs today and everyone took turns taking a long, hot bath. It was so wonderful I proposed we pick up camp and move there, but no one took me seriously. I suppose we can always fly there whenever we want. Still, a hot bath every day would be really nice.

October 28, 2004

Dr.s Corrigan and Kavanaugh tried a second glaze today. It was a miserable hot day to begin with, so tending the kiln was no fun. I burned my hand, but it was worth it because this time it worked. We now have several glazed pots and bowls we can use for cooking and other things. They may not be pretty, but they work. Tomorrow, we celebrate with stew and fruit cobbler.


	5. November

NOTES: Thank you all, again, for the wonderful reviews! I love your ideas, thought I'm afraid I'm not quite going to any of the places you're thinking. Remember, this is not the same timeline as that of the regular show, so I've taken liberties with the course of events. The timing is as close as I could manage, given the lack of dates on the show. Thank you, PurpleYin, for betaing this.

DISCLAIMER: _Stargate: Atlantis_ and all things associated with it belong to other people, though Tamura and Gupta are mine.

SPOILERS: Before I Sleep

RATING: T

* * *

MARKHAM'S JOURNAL

November 3, 2004

We took another trip to the mountains to escape the heat wave we're having. This time, I finally got to take part in our day of rest surprise item. Dr. Corrigan and I built a pontoon. We bundled bamboo into two bunches and connected them with a frame on top. It's not beautiful, but it works. We also made some oars. The most difficult part was attaching it to the ship and keeping the shield activated throughout the flight so it wouldn't get torn apart, but it worked.

Our plan is to use the pontoon for harvesting wild rice later, but for today, it was the cruise ship SGS Atlantis along the shore of Lake Frigid Blue. For some reason, it really made me crave beer.

Dr. Corrigan had wanted to try the fishing net, which has been sitting around unused for a couple of months. I told him no, because once you get the smell of fish in a vehicle it's all but impossible to get it out. Besides, it's our day of rest.

November 4, 2004

Dr. Simpson is goat herding for me this week, so I went to the beach with Dr.s Corrigan and Kavanaugh and tried fishing with the net. The results weren't spectacular, but we're getting the hang of it. It'll keep us fed and keep the smokehouse busy for a while.

I got a haircut.

November 7, 2004

Somehow Ms. Snooty, one of our lady goats, managed to break her leg. We couldn't save her, so we're down to one milk-producing animal. It's too late in the season to catch another goat that's nursing a kid. We'll have to wait to see if there's a second breeding season or hope captivity will make them feel safe enough so maybe the billy goat will become interested in the female kid when she's old enough. Miss Gupta and Dr. Tamura are happy with the diversity of our diet, so neither of them is too worried about the loss of Miss Snooty. We just have to be extra careful with Mabel.

It was kind of sad to eat her after all this time.

November 10, 2004

It's been four months.

We went to the beach, flew the kite, played some frisbee, put fresh flowers at our shrine, talked about dead friends.

This week's surprise came courtesy of Dr. Tamura and Miss Gupta. Using the plant we use for rope, they've made everyone a set of flip flops in hopes wearing them will help beat the summer heat. Dr. Tamura keeps trying to find something we can make cloth out of, but so far we've come up with nothing, not even animals with fur that can be made into wool. Dr.s Simpson and Kavanaugh say we have at least another month of summer; I'll just have to hope my lighter weight clothes last that long. That only three of us had extra clothes with us may finally become a problem. At least we should have plenty of leather for when the weather gets colder.

They also came up with a goo that should help keep the bugs from biting our feet when we wear the flip flops. It doesn't smell half bad, but it's sticky and makes the dust cling to your feet. Still, it's nice to have another footwear option.

Thanks to the goats, Dr. Simpson discovered what I'm calling carrots. I'd missed carrots, but we have to be careful about eating them, because we have to let enough of them reach the seeding stage so we can harvest the seeds for next year.

November 12, 2004

The idea of doing our exploring on rainy days seems less than clever in hindsight. We had the storm to end all storms this week, and we nearly lost the ship because we went into it without realizing what we were up against. Dr.s Corrigan and Simpson were with me. We didn't get too far into the new quadrant before the winds grew so strong we had to land. We radioed back to the others to warn them, but we got no response. Dr. Simpson figured between the storm and the cave, the radio was all but worthless. She got me to think the right way so a schematic appeared on the windshield showing us the storm. It was massive, covering the whole continent. The winds were so strong, it nearly rolled the ship, but Dr. Simpson got me to make it heavier somehow. It was a close call.

The storm lasted hours. We were all worried about the others, though Dr. Corrigan assured us the cave was in the lee of the prevailing winds, so he figured they were safe. Once the storm passed, we reestablished radio contact and they told us everyone was fine. When we got back, we barely recognized the place. Trees were down everywhere and the stream was flooded. Our water filters and little dam were trashed. The smokehouse, goat pen, turkey coup and walls of the latrine and showers were gone as though they'd never been. Fortunately, the others had gathered the animals inside before the worst of it hit. The logs of the chevron marker were also gone, along with some of the cliff face. Somehow the stone parts and potato patch remained.

We lost so much so quickly and there was nothing we could do. It was almost like Atlantis all over again except that we all made it through safely. Not only that, but a positive and completely unexpected event occurred. When we got back, Dr. Simpson gave Dr. Kavanaugh a big hug and started crying on his shoulder. She's been like a rock though every crisis we've dealt with, so it was pretty strange to see her break down like that. Everyone was surprised, perhaps Dr.s Simpson and Kavanaugh most of all. Then I remembered how he's the only living link to her previous life and it kind of made sense.

November 17, 2004

We've used the fallen trees to rebuilt everything we'd lost, except the pontoon. It's a shame we can't use any of the fish that have washed up on shore. If we could, we'd be set for weeks. Between the smell and the sea birds along the beach, we decided to stay up on the memorial outlook for our day of rest.

November 19, 2004

We had our first major experience with the wildlife today. Dr. Kavanaugh was adding more fish to the smokehouse when he was attacked by some sort of predator. He says it was like a big cat. It really did a number on his arm, but he was lucky the board he was carrying the fish on kept the thing from getting at his stomach. It could have been a lot worse. I was surprised to discover Dr. Kavanaugh can swear like a sailor, but once the pain killers took effect, he settled down. I helped Miss Gupta stitch up his wounds. He's doing okay, but Miss Gupta insists he rest for a while so she can monitor him for infection and reactions. That's one less pair of hands to do work around here, but I guess there's no help for it.

November 20, 2004

Dr. Simpson thought she saw the predator near the goat pen, but I couldn't find anything by the time I got to her with the life signs detector. The others are a bit spooked. I've ordered the animals stored in the cave; we can't afford to lose more goats. I've also insisted everyone has to stay around camp and armed Miss Gupta with the P-90 while I carry my 9mm. Dr. Corrigan has wisely suggested we set a trap.

November 21, 2004

It rained today. According to the ship, it was a normal storm, but I thought it was more important to kill our predator than to scout another quadrant of our continent. Dr. Corrigan was disappointed, but I wasn't about to send Miss Gupta out to do this alone while I'm off somewhere in the ship. It took the bait and I killed it. It's at least 50 pounds. Dr. Corrigan is going to teach Dr. Kavanaugh how to skin a cat, preserve the hide and make sinew from the guts.

It was kind of odd being alone for so long. It got me thinking about some things and going back over everything that's happened. I really can't think of anything any of us might have done differently, at least not anything that might have made a real difference. Maybe I should have wondered why Dr. Tamura seemed to want to go alone to the beach that day or wondered if the stress of surviving was the only reason she seemed so intent. Maybe I should talk to the rest about issues other than just our survival. We might be here for years or forever. Should we be thinking like that? Dr. Tamura sure seems to be. Should all our planning be that long-term? Dr.s Simpson and Kavanaugh say they aren't sure how long it might take for the government to figure out a way to make intergalactic travel possible with ships, but they believe it's only a matter of time. I have to believe they will come for us if they have the means.

November 24, 2004

Dr.s Corrigan, Simpson, Kavanaugh and I decided to celebrate Thanksgiving. Dr. Tamura and Miss Gupta didn't mind. The four of us worked all morning preparing our meal. We had roast turkey, mashed potatoes and honey glazed carrots with a fruit side dish you could almost think was cranberries if you tried. Maybe it's because it's been a while since I've had any, but Dr. Simpson made some of the best gravy I've ever tasted. We even had unleavened bread and butter and cobbler. Despite being marooned in another galaxy, we have a lot to be thankful for. It was weird celebrating a fall holiday in summer weather, but it was a really good day. I haven't been this full since the party before leaving the SGC.


	6. December

NOTES: Love the reviews! I'm so pleased to have gotten so many people involved and thinking about the possibilities. Remember, this is not the same timeline as that of the regular show, so I've taken liberties with the course of events. The timing is as close as I could manage, given the lack of dates on the show. Thank you, PurpleYin, for betaing this.

DISCLAIMER: _Stargate: Atlantis_ and all things associated with it belong to other people, though Tamura and Gupta are mine.

SPOILERS: Before I Sleep

RATING: T

* * *

MARKHAM'S JOURNAL 

December 1, 2004

It was a cloudy day that threatened rain, but we went to the memorial and the beach anyway. After lunch, Dr.s Simpson and Kavanaugh took off down the beach. They said they were going to go exploring, but they took one of the blankets with them. This got me thinking a bunch of things, most of which I wouldn't put on paper, but there are practical sides to some of them. What would we do if Dr. Simpson got pregnant? Dr. Tamura was clearly uncomfortable with the question and left to gather seaweed. Dr. Corrigan pointed out that women had been successfully giving birth without the aid of modern medicine since the beginning of time. Miss Gupta laughed at us. She explained that, with the exception of those few who had religious, personal or medical reasons not to, all of the women who'd come to Atlantis had been put on weekly contraceptives that required no refrigeration and safely prevented ovulation. I had no idea such things existed. She says it was more practical than bringing feminine necessities to Atlantis and that the supply we have should last another year or so. I needed a swim after that.

December 6, 2004

Got a haircut. Shot a turkey. Finally beat someone at chess.

December 8, 2004

It rained today, but that turned out to be a good thing. On "Sundays," since we're always together, we'd taken to leaving the radios in camp. If we'd been at the beach, we wouldn't have heard the message, a transmission from the Prometheus. They've come for us. They should put down early tomorrow morning. I'm so excited, all wound up and completely tired at the same time. It's been five months.

December 9, 2004

They spotted our chevron and landed about 100 yards off shore. I'd never seen the Prometheus. It's impressive. They came ashore, a dozen of them, in a pair of inflatable rafts with motors on the back. Gen. Hammond was among them. He shook my hand and said, "Well done, son." Dr. Jackson of SG1 was there, too. It felt crowded to have so many people in one place. We gave them a tour of our little world and finished packing our things into the ship. The General spotted my straw hat and complimented it, wondering how something like that had survived in such good shape all this time. He was surprised to learn that it was a product of our village. He asked to wear it, saying he's not used to working outdoors. He seemed to get a kick out of it and had no problems helping us load stuff into the ship.

We set the goats free. Miss Gupta and I felt bad about having clipped the turkeys' wings, so the General suggested we take them to Chef on Prometheus.

The General came with us as we flew our ship to his and we showed him all the features we'd figured out.

It's kind of strange leaving our little camp behind, to finally be going home.

First we all got medical exams. I lost 15 pounds, about as much as everyone else but Dr. Tamura, who was so thin to begin with she only lost 5, but we passed thanks to the hard work of Dr. Tamura and Miss Gupta. Then we debriefed as a group. Separate debriefings will begin tomorrow. Gen. Hammond kept me and Dr. Simpson a bit longer to discuss returning to Atlantis to retrieve the bodies and perhaps some technology. Dr. Simpson figures the water and pressure will probably have made most equipment useless, even that of the Ancients. That we'll have to struggle to open every door, one by one, will make it a daunting task at best. Atlantis is, or was, the size of a city. It would take a very long time to explore it all even if it wasn't underwater with every door locked shut, let alone now. There's also the question of how deep the Seals can safely dive, but Dr. Simpson thinks salvaging the other ships in the bay is possible.

We had a celebratory feast made out of our turkeys and I met up with Sgt. Sanchez, a friend of mine from the SGC. Dr.s Corrigan and Simpson also have friends on the Prometheus. I did my best to stick with Dr. Tamura and Miss Gupta, since they were alone in the crowd of Americans. Dr. Tamura in particular seemed a bit stressed by all the people and retired early.

I have my own room and will be sleeping on clean sheets in a real bed after a hot shower that'll be as long as I want. It almost seems unreal.

December 10, 2004

Today the salvage and recovery operation began. Dr. Simpson and I went down in the ship so she could instruct the Seals directly. Plus the Seals could stay down longer since we could keep them supplied with air by dropping off tanks the same way we dropped off our message. We recovered two ships and all the bodies in the Gate room. Tomorrow we'll start on other rooms. As Dr. Simpson predicted, none of the tech we've recovered is useable. She says, if the ships hadn't been in the bay or the bay had been much deeper, the ships might have been ruined as well.

All I did was sit on my ass in the ship all day. I can't believe how tired I am.

December 11, 2004

Now that the Seals know how to open doors in Atlantis, Dr. Simpson and I aren't needed as much. So I spent about half of the day teaching Cpt. Cho how to pilot the ship. He's got the gene and is a pilot, so he picked it up pretty fast. "Very intuitive," is how he described the ship's responses. Wish I could agree with him.

We recovered another pair of ships. It's pretty cool how it's done. The Seals put these cylindrical bags under a ship and fill them with enough air to lift the ship off the deck. Then they push it into the middle of the bay as though it doesn't weigh a thing. There, they put a rigging on it and attach it to the underside of my ship so I can lift it to the surface. As nice as it is to be hauling something out of Atlantis besides bodies, I can't help but wonder who's going to fly them all? There are seven of them. Where will the pilots with the gene come from?

I discovered other enlisted personnel share rooms, but none of them seem to mind I get my own.

December 12, 2004

I always knew Kavanaugh had a stick up his butt, but I never expected this. Now that Cpt. Cho can take over the ship salvage operation, I finally got my individual debriefing. Questions were raised about my conduct, some of which could only have come from Kavanaugh. At first I was just shocked, totally blindsided. Then I got so mad I had to excuse myself to the bathroom to calm down. Fortunately, we were far enough into the debriefing that this didn't seem too odd.

I did my best to answer the questions and explain the reasoning behind my actions as calmly as I could, but I just couldn't get over the fact that, in the middle of trying to survive, that man was keeping a record of every time I looked at him cross-eyed. I saved him, fed him, stitched his wounds and this is the thanks I get?

In the end, I told them I stand by my actions and that it would be a while before I could transcribe my journal into a computer. They suggested I use a photocopier. My surprise at the thought showed on my face and got a laugh out of them. They told me not to worry and to relax. I suppose things could have gone worse.

Someone's here. It'd better not be Kavanaugh.

That was Dr. Corrigan. I don't know how he does it, but he really got me over what happened today. After listening to me vent about the debriefing, he said it was understandable for me to be mad but that I shouldn't take it personally. He hadn't talked to Dr. Simpson about her debriefing and Dr. Tamura never says much, but Miss Gupta and Dr. Corrigan had both had similar experiences. We all have ways of coping, he said, and he thinks finding fault in others is how Dr. Kavanaugh copes. After all, Dr. Simpson was the one who did most of the work on the ship. What else did Dr. Kavanaugh have to wrap his intellect around? Put that way, it makes sense, but I still think it's idiotic, not to mention disloyal.

I asked him how the others were and he said everyone's a bit stir-crazy. Unlike me and Dr. Simpson, the rest of them have gone from working hard everyday to having almost nothing to do. He's hoping that will change for him and Dr. Tamura, since he's proposed further exploration of the continent. After coming all this way, wouldn't it be nice to go home with something more than just the ships to show for it? And now that there are two pilots, it's a real possibility. I assured him I would tell my superiors, not that anyone has figured out who my immediate superior should be, that I'd be happy to fly them wherever they needed to go.

I asked how Miss Gupta and Dr. Tamura were doing. I haven't seen either of them since the party. He said Miss Gupta seems to be getting along well, though Dr. Tamura seems more withdrawn. It's one of the reasons he proposed she be allowed to further explore the continent, not just him. When I said I was worried about her and though she might need counseling, he laughed and assured me we were all getting counseling, that it was just a matter of time before I got mine.

December 13, 2004

This morning, Dr. Simpson was in the mess hall waiting for me and we talked about our debriefings over breakfast. Seems hers was as interesting as mine, but since she's not military, she could say what she pleased. She assures me she had a few choice words about Dr. Kavanaugh and his "reports" on everyone's behavior. She also had a few choice words for the man, himself. Frankly, I'm glad. Anybody deserves better than him, especially someone with the guts she has.

I told her what Dr. Corrigan had said, but she was unforgiving. She thinks that just because that's how he copes doesn't make it all right. She was so angry about it, I couldn't help but smile. I'm glad one of us got to call it like they see it.

After dropping Dr. Tamura and a pair of other doctors near camp, Dr. Corrigan, Dr. Jackson, Dr. Gustavsen, who is a geologist, and I explored the continent. Before landing, the Prometheus made a topographical scan of the continent and we began our exploration based on Dr. Gustavsen's recommendations, which Dr. Corrigan and I had cross-referenced with our grid system. I've always been aware of how smart Dr. Corrigan is, but listening to the three of them was something else. I barely followed half of what they were talking about even though their specialties only partially overlap and they occasionally had to speak in laymen's terms to each other. Fortunately, there was some spelunking and rock climbing I could help with, otherwise I might have felt like a chauffeur.

We didn't discover anything today, but Dr. Gustavsen says there are plenty of other places to look. Dr. Jackson agrees with Dr. Corrigan's belief that there should at least be another Gate somewhere, though the Prometheus detected no concentrations of naquadah. Seems Gates can be made of other materials. All three are frustrated that they have no idea of the time frame involved. When was the last time the Ancient's inhabited the planet? Knowing that would help Dr. Gustavsen narrow down his search. Considering the city's condition, there's no telling and there's no carbon dating equipment on Prometheus to test the items we've pulled out of the city.

When we picked up the other scientists, I was pleased to see Dr. Tamura seemed more relaxed. She even smiled at a joke I made. It made me feel better about finally having my psych exam. I'm still on active duty, so I suppose it went okay, though I was assured I wasn't through the grieving process. Something to look forward to.

December 14, 2004

They finally gave up on Atlantis today.

They've salvaged the Gate and all the ships, recovered all the bodies they could find and hauled up as much of the equipment as possible so personal items might be returned to family members. There are seven missing, including Col. Sumner, Maj. Sheppard and Dr. Weir. Seems at least one of the rooms that was searched had broken glass, so we think Col. Sumner and three others must have been pulled into the ocean. We have no way of knowing who the third person on Maj. Sheppard's ship was, only that he couldn't be Cpl. Martinez, who is also missing. So that leaves us with three potential MIAs besides the two we know for sure. Of the three, Dr. Simpson is fairly certain Dr. Zelenka was on the ship because the other two missing Dr.s did not work in fields that would make them useful in getting the ship to work. She's also fairly certain it was a man and that she saw a non American flag, which further suggests she's right. Under her recommendation, Maj. Sheppard, Dr. Weir and Dr. Zelenka have been officially listed as MIA. Once we get back to Earth, the SGC and our allies will be made aware of them, in case they show up someday. I didn't know any of them, but I sure hope they find a way to make it back. We lost too many people that day. Even three more survivors would be a triumph.

None of the technology that's been brought up has worked, so there's no real reason to stay.

December 15, 2004

We held a final memorial, today. It seemed appropriate to me, seeing as it's our Sunday. We all gathered in the Prometheus' fighter bay. Gen. Hammond made a speech about humanity's need to explore and to learn. He said the Atlantis expedition embodied those essential elements of the human spirit and represented an amazing accomplishment, bringing so many nations of the world together in a single, united cause, that that was as significant as anything they might have discovered in Pegasus. I've never been one for speeches, but I've never been part of the topic of a speech, either. It made me proud and sad and hopeful all at the same time. I really hadn't spent any time thinking about it, maybe because it kind of hurts if I do. What might we have discovered if the city hadn't flooded? A weapon or defense to protect Earth against the Goa'uld? A cure for cancer? A solution for starvation? The Replicators' off button? Dr. Jackson says Col. Carter once met an Ancient, that she looked and acted as human as we do. He has faith that, in time, we can accomplish all the things they did and that we don't need to ride the coattails of others to get there. Of course, this is coming from a man who died and came back, or so they say, so I suppose he has a different perspective on things.

Thankfully, Dr. Corrigan offered to speak for all of us. I know I'm grateful for not having to get up in front of all those people. I can only imagine what it would have been like for Dr. Tamura if we'd all been asked to speak. He did a good job, echoing Gen. Hammond's sentiments but in a way that was less grand and more personal. He talked about how this sort of expedition brings out not only all the potential of humanity in general but in individuals, too. Given our experiences, his talk of the importance of every person's contribution is understandable. What if Miss Gupta hadn't been there to help Dr. Tamura with her food poisoning or Dr. Kavanaugh with his wounds? What if Dr. Tamura hadn't been there to tell us what was safe to eat and how to use all those different plants? What if Dr. Corrigan hadn't been there with his wealth of practical knowledge and ability to keep us cohesive and focused and sane?

During the meal that followed the memorial, the six of us were seated together. It was the first time we've all been in the same place at the same time since the celebration of our rescue. Needless to say, Dr. Kavanaugh was not treated very warmly. Although Dr. Corrigan did his best to keep things pleasant, Dr. Simpson wouldn't even acknowledge his presence. I almost felt sorry for the guy, but it's his own fault. Even so, it was nice catching up with everyone.

Dr. Kavanaugh excused himself as soon as he could, but as the event wound down, Dr. Corrigan persuaded us to go with him to the gym. There, we found a volleyball net set up. Even aboard the Prometheus, the guy was thinking of what was best for the group. To be fair, Dr. Simpson offered to be referee, with Dr. Corrigan and I on one team and Dr. Tamura and Miss Gupta on the other. Some Airmen gathered around as we played, yelling encouragement to the ladies and booing me whenever I scored. We won that game, though not easily. Since that first time on the beach, Dr. Tamura has proven herself to be quite the ace and playing on a hard surface with a real volleyball made her that much better. Once she and I switched partners, Miss Gupta and I had quite the challenge on our hands. We made the Dr.s work for it, though they won by the skin of their teeth. Surprisingly, Dr. Tamura didn't seemed to mind the attention, not during nor after the games. I'm glad she seems to be feeling more comfortable; they say the ride home will be nearly three weeks long.

That evening, the five of us gathered in one of the small amphibious vehicle bays along the starboard side of the ship. With the hatch open, it let in the sunset and ocean breeze. It was almost like being at the beach. Dr. Tamura had persuaded Chef to let her cook us dinner and she'd gotten permission from the General to do what she had planned for us. The meal was made up of a combination of foods from Earth and our village, served with white rice, something both she and Miss Gupta had apparently been missing a great deal and are happy to eat regularly now. Then she gave us all paper, pens, beeswax candles and lighters. Without any of us knowing, she had been planning this since before the Prometheus had arrived, making the squat little candles out of the wax from the beehives. She taught us to make little boats out of the paper and as we made them, she explained why we were doing it. In Japan, some parts of the country float these little light boats as a means of remembering and honoring relatives who have passed away. Given the international makeup of the expedition members, there was no chance we'd be able to go to all the different funerals, so, instead, we could do this. She had us write the names of everyone we remembered, one per paper, and we talked about them, checking to be sure none of us wrote the same name twice. We launched over 70 little boats, our recollections covering almost the whole expedition. I don't know if it was the foreignness of it or what, but instead of making me feel sad, it gave me a very strong, deep, meaningful feeling, like I was a part of something vast and eternal. I'll never forget the sight of them glowing across the surface of the sea, with the shadows of Atlantis in the water below.

December 16, 2004

With the salvage of Atlantis complete, there are now two groups of us exploring the continent and we finally found something new. It wasn't a DHD or a Gate or more ships or drones, but at least we found something. Since no one knows if Atlantis was abandoned 1,000 years ago or 100,000 years ago, Dr. Gustavsen had been choosing locations based on a variety of ages. Right after lunch, at the edge of a huge plain, we spelunked into a chamber filled with what Dr.s Corrigan and Jackson believe must be farming equipment. Despite their best efforts, Gen. Hammond doesn't believe it's worth the effort to salvage the big stuff. Earth has tractors. Even so, the Dr.s ringed out all the smaller devices and computery things they could lay their hands on. It may not be an earth-shattering discovery, but it's the first evidence that the Ancients used the continent. Not only does it give the Dr.s the justification to keep exploring, it narrows down a time frame for Dr. Gustavsen. He says, given the similarities to Earth's structure and weather cycles, the chamber has been untouched for about 10,000 years. Dr. Jackson was disappointed to hear it had been so long, but Dr. Corrigan said there could be many reasons to explain it, that there may still be Ancients elsewhere in Pegasus.

And we finally found what we believe was once cultivated grain. Dr. Tamura promised to let us know tomorrow, even if it doesn't matter now.

December 17, 2004

To the best of their ability to analyze it, Dr. Tamura and the others believe the grain was once cultivated. While incapable of offering any particular span of time, Dr. Tamura's findings support the idea that it's been a long while since the Ancients used the continent for growing food. She also says it would have fed us well, had we not been rescued.

The other team exploring the continent discovered a harbor that had little salvageable equipment. Out of the four places we looked today, all our team discovered was a chamber like the one the farming equipment was in, but it was empty.

December 18, 2004

With the help of an Airman who has the gene, Dr. Simpson has figured out how a number of the Ancient devices work, though none have martial or even very practical applications. Farming practices and predicting the weather on this planet won't be much help to Earth, though there's some small hope a number of the weather systems can be adapted. Neither team discovered anything new and, according to Dr. Gustavsen, we're running out of likely places to explore.

December 19, 2004

Isn't that the way of things? In the last place we look, we make our biggest find, one Gen. Hammond agrees is worth the effort to salvage. Our team found what Dr.s Corrigan, Jackson, Simpson and Kavanaugh all believe is a drone making facility. If they can figure out how it works, it could solve a lot of problems and almost make the trip worthwhile. We came here to find technology to protect Earth and this sure qualifies.

They brought the Prometheus to the field where we found it. Feeling the ship land on land was even more amazing than watching it land in the ocean. The equipment is too big to ring up to the ship, so it's being dismantled by hand into manageable pieces, hauled to the surface with the cranes used to haul ordnance up to the fighter bay and moved into the ship with pallet loaders. I didn't know Prometheus had a pallet loader, let alone two.

It's a slow process, one Dr.s Corrigan and Jackson are organizing. Since the ships from Atlantis aren't really useful and dismantling Ancient machines isn't really one of my skills, I had little to do but watch. Gen. Hammond made a ship-wide announcement about the find and Dr. Tamura and Miss Gupta made a point to find me during lunch to hear all the details. Both were as pleased as I am about having at least partially accomplished our mission. We're also glad Dr. Corrigan finally had a major success here.

After lunch, Gen. Hammond approached me with congratulations and a surprising request. He asked me to take some of the crew who weren't helping with the drone facility to Lake Frigid Blue for some R&R. Cpt. Cho took a bunch of 302 pilots while I had a combination of scientific and enlisted personnel. Chef supplied us with plenty of food and even some beer, though, as one of the pilots, I didn't drink any. Never would have guessed Airmen would love the water so much. I got to play some volleyball, enlisted verses officers. Even when we switched things up a bit, my team won all three times. I kind of missed playing against Dr. Tamura. She's better than any of those Airmen.

December 20, 2004

Gen. Hammond doesn't see a need to rush, so he's only doing two salvage shifts a day. That way no one is too tired and all the work is done in daylight. Guess he doesn't want to risk the facility nearly 100 people gave their lives to find. I appreciate the sentiment. I got to introduce a new batch of Airmen to Lake Frigid Blue. I'm hoping to be able to play some volleyball on the way back to Earth, but if I win every game, I don't think I'll be able to find any opponents. So this time I acted as referee. There were two batches, one before and one after lunch. Some of them had never been off the ship since it left Earth. Others had never set foot on an alien world. All of them were appreciative, even when the enlisted guys got creamed by the officers this time.

Before we left this morning, I got to have my second psych eval. Dr. Reynolds, no relation to Colonel Reynolds, has read my journal and suggests, now that I'm not keeping it for military records purposes, that I use it to express my feelings more. I thought that's what I had been doing. Anyway, he's pleased with my progress but cautions that I may grow depressed and restless once our trip back to Earth gets underway and there's little to nothing for me to do. I said, after five months on daily double duty, I could use the vacation. He laughed.

I hooked up with Dr. Corrigan during dinner and he filled me in on how things were progressing. They should be done sometime tomorrow.

December 21, 2004

It rained. Unlike the Atlantis salvage operation, rain made work on retrieving the drone facility too risky to man and machine alike. But just because it was raining in the area where everyone was working didn't mean it was raining up by the lake. So this time, I got to take people who'd been working on the salvage for some R&R. Dr. Corrigan wanted to continue exploring potential sites that predate the four outposts we've found, most of which are outside of the weather front causing the rain around the Prometheus, but he couldn't get permission.

December 22, 2004

It was raining by the lake, so Cpt. Cho and I took those getting R&R to the first mountain area our group visited months ago. Someone brought the equipment to play baseball. It was great, though playing on a slope was a bit of a challenge. One guy messed up his ankle sliding into third, but Gen. Hammond didn't get mad at us about it.

By the time we got back from the afternoon's R&R run, the facility had been picked clean and all of the Prometheus' equipment was back where it should be.

December 23, 2004

It's been two weeks since the Prometheus arrived. We've pulled from this world all we could. It's time to go.

They held a small ceremony for us and let Dr. Corrigan name the planet. He decided on Aviquies, which he says could be interpreted a number of ways, something about wandering dreams and lost friends. I can't remember, but it sounded very fitting when he explained it. I couldn't get over how blue it was and how small it seemed as we flew further away. Then, in a blur, the Prometheus went into hyperdrive and it was gone. It may have been a short time in my life, but I know these five an a half months will stay with me forever.

December 25, 2004

The food here sure beats what we used to get at the SGC or any other command I've ever worked under. Although there's no official honoring of Christmas, there was an air of celebration on Prometheus and special food all day. I haven't been this full since Thanksgiving.

Now that she has finally finished cataloging everything, the quarter master returned our personal items retrieved from Atlantis. It turns out we were right about the chess set being Dr. McKay's. It was kind of strange seeing my stuff again, especially the weird things the pressure did to stuff like my extra tube of toothpaste and the styrofoam I packed around my CD player. It's like this stuff belongs to another me from a lifetime ago. There was a photo in a book with some other stuff in a ziplock bag that didn't pop. It was from a trip a bunch of us took to Tijuana before our deployment to Atlantis. Sometimes I really I miss Sgt. Stackhouse and the other guys.

December 26, 2004

I think I ate too many sweets yesterday and my stomach isn't used to sugar anymore. I stayed in bed late, but since I have today off, it was no big deal. Of course, no one knows quite what to do with me now that we're headed home. I've been told there have been and will be Marines on other flights, but at the moment, I'm the only Marine on the Prometheus.

While Dr.s Corrigan, Simpson and Kavanaugh are busy with the Ancient technology, Dr. Tamura's work tends to require her to set up an experiment then wait a while for it to get done before she can test the results, so she has short bursts of work followed by long periods of nothing to do. Miss Gupta's kind of in the same boat as me. No one knows what to do with her. So we three have commandeered a conference room to play catch-up on current events. I'd been asking the people I flew for R&R about movies and TV shows and music. Since Dr. Tamura and Miss Gupta aren't Americans, we're mainly sticking to movies and current events during our group catch-up sessions. All this time and I hadn't known Dr. Tamura was a baseball fan. Miss Gupta isn't, so we've stuck to highlights. I can't believe the Red Sox won the world series. I'd have owed Parlins $200. Sadly, it doesn't surprise me we're still in Iraq. Miss Gupta is relieved there's been no major conflicts between India and Pakistan but is disappointed at the lack of soccer coverage available.

I find it amusing that, after working with them both during the salvage operation, Dr. Jackson has chosen to partner with Dr. Simpson, leaving Dr. Corrigan to work with Dr. Kavanaugh. And here I thought SG1 was supposed to be so tough.

December 27, 2004

My third major psych evaluation followed by another physical. I passed both.

Some offduty personnel join us when we're watching movies. They have a pretty impressive video library onboard. Today was Dr. Tamura's turn. I was surprised she picked a horror film, Resident Evil. That was one creepy flick. I hadn't realized how much I missed popcorn.

I didn't find this out until after the fact, but the Prometheus has been making periodic stops to scan likely planets as we make our way out of the Pegasus galaxy. Seems we may have stumbled across the reason the Ancients left here. While stopping by one world, we were attacked by three small fighters. I was kind of surprised to learn this, considering there were no alerts and I felt nothing. The Rail guns took quick care of them and Cpt. Cho used one of the Ancient ships to collect the debris. Seems the pilots were not human. Miss Gupta says the biologists and medical personnel are having a field day with the remains, lots of wild speculation. There was also a huge ship on the surface, bigger than Prometheus, but no more fighters challenged us. Even weirder, the world had a Gate in space. Now we know why the Ancients had space-worthy ships that fit through the gate. It's caused Dr.s Corrigan and Jackson to wonder why the Ancients would make Gate travel so prohibitively difficult. Without our borrowed technology, we couldn't access a space Gate and without the built in DHD on the Ancient ships, we couldn't use one if we did find one. We took the Gate with us, though there's some debate as to how useful it'll be in the Milky Way. At least now Earth has one it can take apart and play with. They've always been too precious to experiment on before.

December 28, 2004

The Black Ops. guys let me train with them today. I learned to use two different disruptors, one good against Anubis' Kull warriors and the other against the Replicators. Flying on an intergalactic ship and firing disruptors, I felt like I was in a video game or sci-fi show. I also got to refamiliarize myself with a Zat gun.

Miss Gupta apparently chose a chick flick to take advantage of my absence.

With encouragement from the not so subtle hints of the Black Ops. guys, I got a haircut. I wouldn't say anything to the barber, but Miss Gupta does a better job.

December 29, 2004

With permission from Gen. Hammond and Chef, Dr. Tamura is preparing a few Japanese New Years treats. She's planning a little party for the six of us, assuming Dr. Kavanaugh will come. Apparently, News Years in Japan is more like Christmas in the US, a time for family and food and general laziness. Since we have nothing better to do, Miss Gupta and I are helping her cook between experiments while the galley's not in use. Today we did a gelatin dish, something to beans involving sugar and something else with sweet potatoes and nuts from Aviquies that took a lot of elbow grease.

As part of our current events catch-up, we listened to lots of different music that has been released while we were away. Somehow, Dr. Tamura found an Airman who likes Japanese pop music, though I suppose it makes sense with all the airbases there. I'd never heard any before. If it weren't for the words being in another language, you'd almost think it was American.

We picked up another Gate, this time from over a lifeless planet.

December 30, 2004

Our attempt to pound rice into something Dr. Tamura wanted for the New Year's party didn't work out, but we helped her make noodles by hand and they turned out fine. It was really something to see. Chef wasn't thrilled with us using the biggest table in the galley to do it, but thanks to Dr. Tamura promising him a bowl, he didn't stop us. Seems Chef spent some time in Japan, too.

Got to play some volleyball. Still no worthy Airmen.

December 31, 2004

Technically, it's already the first, but I'm still a bit too wound up to sleep just yet.

It seems appropriate that today is the day we officially left the farthest reaches of Pegasus. Early this morning, we stopped for one last look. It seemed so far and was almost scary how much black there is between galaxies.

For dinner, Dr. Tamura had us all eat a bowl of her noodles in a special broth. It was really good, the first of the holiday food. She and Miss Gupta talked to us about how the new year was a time to start things with a fresh slate, to forgive grudges. We got Dr. Simpson to agree to be civil to Dr. Kavanaugh tomorrow.

We used the SGC's time to count down the new year. There was champagne and everything. More surprising, all three ladies gave Dr. Corrigan and I kisses for the new year. Miss Gupta lamented that neither of us are Indian or she'd be tempted to introduce us to her folks. After that kiss, any man would wish he were.

I need a jog. I hope the gym's open this late.


	7. January

NOTES: Thank you all, again, for your wonderful reviews. Remember, this is not the same timeline as that of the regular show; I've taken some liberties. There has never been a reliable account of the people who went to Atlantis. This is my own spectulation that is based on a variety of information, including comments from TPTB. Thank you, PurpleYin, for betaing this.

DISCLAIMER: _Stargate: Atlantis_ and all things associated with it belong to other people, though Tamura and Gupta are mine.

SPOILERS: Before I Sleep

RATING: T

* * *

MARKHAM'S JOURNAL 

January 1, 2005

The gym was open, which was a good thing. I must have gained five pounds today.

The Japanese know how to celebrate a holiday. The six of us did nothing all day but eat, nap from too much food, watch the Olympics and play card games. It was better than Thanksgiving at Uncle Oliver's. Aside from the endless food Dr. Tamura had prepared, Miss Gupta had made some traditional sweets her family always has and got us all to light fake candles to keep away bad luck. They were actually little touch sensitive lights made to look like candles that she borrowed from the chapel. Unlike the night we launched our little light boats, while in space, no live flames are allowed on the ship.

Dr. Simpson was able to bury the hatchet with Dr. Kavanaugh.

It was a good day.

January 3, 2005

Another visit with Dr. Reynolds. He was pleased to hear about New Year's and how the three of us are catching up on things.

Miss Gupta learned some nasty stuff about the pilots of those ships that attacked us. It seems they don't eat food but suck out the essence or life of living prey, like vampires, or at least that's the going theory in the biology and med labs. They also have something in them that would let them live almost forever, so long as they had sustenance. If those things killed off the Ancients, that doesn't explain how Atlantis was untouched. But why would the Ancients leave the city if it was safe? If the city used a single ZPM, a power source so great that it got us to Pegasus, Dr. Simpson thinks it would have powered the city for several hundred years before getting to the point of near collapse we found it in, yet the evidence on the continent was that Aviquies had been abandoned for over 10,000 years. It's a big mystery, and the introduction of the creepy aliens just confuses things further. Although Dr. Corrigan worries about the implications for any people who might live in Pegasus, I think it's a good thing we didn't get more involved. Goa'uld and Replicators keep us busy enough as it is.

January 5, 2005

It was six months ago we gated to Atlantis.

January 7, 2005

Tonight we entered the Milky Way. In a few more days, we'll be home. I'm kind of glad it took us so long to get back. It's like a breaking in period, getting used to a normal life.

Since it's my day off, I convinced Chef to let us use part of the galley to prepare a mini celebration for us survivors. We guys can hardly match Dr. Tamura and Miss Gupta, least of all with only what Chef is willing to let us use, but we prepared what we could. It felt good to have the three of us working together again, almost like Thanksgiving. Using my gran's recipe, or what I can remember of it, I made meatloaf from ground turkey, since Miss Gupta doesn't eat beef. It tasted the same to me. I also cooked string beans with garlic and almonds, my dad's easy but tasty contribution to any holiday meal. Dr. Kavanaugh made pretty decent twice baked potatoes and cauliflower with cheese sauce. Dr. Corrigan made bread that smelled so good Chef insisted on a loaf as payment. He also made a berry cobbler that my mother would have kissed him for. We started cooking after Chef was done with dinner, so we ate late enough we were in the Milky Way by the time we were through. Chef let us have a six-pack and together we celebrated our return to our home galaxy. Gen. Hammond stopped by to have a taste and thank Dr. Tamura for her New Year's food. Seems she gave him and Chef some in thanks.

I'm so full I can hardly stay awake to write this.

January 10, 2005

We finally returned to Earth. I confess, seeing it on the relay brought me to tears. It was as though a huge weight had been lifted from me, like I'm not alone anymore.

Once we landed, everything became a blur. I was met by Colonel Makepeace, who debriefed me even though he'd had the files from Prometheus for days. He told me I'll get to choose my next assignment and that I'll have plenty of time to do what needs doing before I decide. Naturally, working with the SGC is a possibility, but with my gene, I have more options. Considering the turnover, I think I'll pass the chance to rejoin SG5 or at the prestige of joining SG3. I've been through enough life and limb situations for a while.

The SGC was a felicitator of but not authority over the Atlantis expedition, with the exception of the US military portion and all matters involving security for which the SGC and Homeworld Security were jointly responsible. With the leader of the expedition MIA, the big wigs are in a bit of a muddle figuring out who has to deal with what. As head of Homeworld Security and the man responsible for selecting Colonel Sumner and approving the rest of us, Gen. Hammond's arranging for the funerals and condolences, even though he's USAF and the sole member of the USAF to go to Atlantis is MIA. But what about the 60 some other people? Seems he wants to make that the USAF's responsibility, too. They're best suited for dealing with it anyway. Considering how tied up our resources are in the Middle East, the USAF has the most flexibility where men and equipment are concerned. But that's just the logistics of transporting bodies and dealing with bureaucracy. What about the families? I'm glad it isn't my job.

I also got to talk with a suit from DC, someone who works for the NSA. There was something about the guy that got my hackles up, but I tried to tell it as plainly and honestly as I could.

The third guy I talked to was from Homeland Security, checking on Dr. Tamura and Miss Gupta. It was even more difficult being polite to this guy. I'm so sick of going over it all and the idea of two people who've given so much to be under suspicion pisses me off.

The six of us managed to have dinner together, though the cafeteria food isn't nearly as good as what we'd grown used to on the Prometheus. Somehow, Miss Gupta and Dr. Tamura had found the time to go shopping and they had Blackberrys for all of us, as a way of keeping in touch when we're far apart. I was so surprised. Soon, we were all sending each other messages even though we were at the same table.

January 11, 2005

Even though I'm no longer a member of the Prometheus' crew, Dr. Reynolds is still keeping track of me for the time being. With the craziness of our arrival, he let my appointment wait a day. He tells me I'm doing fine, that all this bureaucracy won't last forever.

I attended my first four funerals today, for Sgt. Miller and Cpl.s Smith, Lumano, and Reinholtz, none of whom had family. Gen.s Hammond and O'Neill attended along with Colonel Makepeace, SG3 and all of us who survived. There were also a few guys they'd worked with before. The four of them hadn't worked at the SGC and I'd never worked with them until the preparations for Atlantis. So I didn't really know them too well. Like me, Miller was there because he had the gene. I sometimes wonder, what if it had been him instead of me who'd ended up in that ship? Would he have done any better? I also wonder how different things might have gone if he and others had made it to another ship, if there had been twice as many of us. The whole thing left me feeling complete and dissatisfied all at the same time. At least I've finally seen someone laid to rest.

Since it's our last night together, I took us all out to the best seafood place in town. It hardly makes up for Blackberrys, but it's something. Miss Gupta and I had learned Dr. Kavanaugh could swear like a sailor, but we all learned he could drink like one, too. Makes me wonder about him. He's actually kind of funny when he's drunk.

January 12, 2005

Dr. Tamura left for Japan today, along with the remains and possessions of the three Japanese who died in Atlantis. It was awkward, seeing her off. There was this terrible formality to it, as she bowed her farewell to us like we were strangers, flanked by a pair of JSAF officers. I'd helped her weed a potato patch, harvest seaweed, herd goats. I carried her a mile when she was sick enough to die. Now she's on a plane across the Pacific and I may never see her again. It just feels wrong somehow.

I attended three more funerals. Col. Sumner, Sgt. Bates and Cpl. Martinez. It was odd burying two empty caskets. Sgt. Bates had always been the tightass of the group, Col. Sunmer's favorite, even over Lt. Ford. So it felt right they should be buried side by side. Cpl. Martinez was a big guy, but he'd been the baby of the group, only 21. He'd had a specialty in electronics and been looking forward to what we might find almost as much as the scientists. It's a shame only his name made it home.

January 13, 2005

Today was Miss Gupta's turn. Since she had to stop by England on her way back, she agreed to take the bodies of the four British members of the expedition to their homes, including Dr.s Beckett and Grodin. Unlike Dr. Tamura's departure, Miss Gupta's was quite emotional, with hugs and tears. She told me to stay safe in a way that suggested she didn't want me taking any more dangerous assignments.

Only two funerals today, one for Mark Schmidt, the man who would have been Atlantis' Chef, and another for Dr. Evans, a biologist. I didn't know either of them, and somehow that made me feel cheated. That they were both essentially civilians makes it different for some reason. Here were two men willing to risk their lives for humanity, men I might have gotten to know and work with if things had been different.

I sure hope they figure out that drone making equipment. I want these people to have died for something.

January 14, 2005

I flew to California with Gen.s Hammond and O'Neill and SGs 3 and 5, which came back through the Gate last night, for the funerals of Lt. Ford and Sgt.s Gonzales and Nugyen. Since he isn't needed right now, Dr. Corrigan came, too. That's how I learned he's offered to accompany the bodies of the international members when the time comes, to be a kind of spokesman for the expedition. When Dr. Weir had said we were from over a dozen different countries, she'd meant it. There was even a guy from South Africa. That's a lot of traveling.

There couldn't have been three more different funerals. Lt. Ford's was simple, stoic and sad. His grandparents, who raised him, tried to be brave about it all. His cousin was just plain mad. The one time she bothered to meet my eye, I could swear she would have belted me as much as look at me. "Why him not you?" she said without saying a word. Sgt. Gonzales' family is big, and they had an elaborate, formal ceremony with much open weeping. Now I know why he never introduced any of us to his sister. How is it she's still single? What a lousy way to meet her. Sgt. Nugyen was an only child, or rather his brother died when he was a kid. It was tough for his parents, but they did their best to celebrate his life. It was colorful and kind of cheerful.

I got an email from Miss Gupta. She said Dr. Beckett's mother fainted at the news of her beloved only child's death and had to be rushed to the hospital. Worse, she's now all alone in the world, with just her neighbors and distant nephews to console her. Miss Gupta said Dr. Beckett had been a "dear, sweet man" and it just broke her heart to see his mother so devastated. She wishes she could take Mrs. Beckett back to India so she could be surrounded by a big, loving family that would revere and spoil her.

She said visiting the Grodins was like being in a weird, formal, British, mirror version of her own family. They took it pretty well. She'll visit the families of Dr.s Wilkins and Becicka tomorrow.

January 15, 2005

Today was the most difficult. We went to Wisconsin for the funerals of Sgt. Stackhouse and Dr. Heightmeyer. I'd never met her. If her picture and the crowd were anything to go by, she was gorgeous and well loved. The hard part was not being able to talk to Mr. and Mrs. Stackhouse about what happened to their son. I wanted them to know what he died for, that, for however briefly, he had been part of the most far-flung adventure of mankind, that he had been part of a legend. He had been so smart, the smartest of us grunts and maybe of all the military personnel. He spoke Russian and German and had traveled all over Europe both in and out of the Corps. He was officer material stuck in the enlisted ranks. Even so, he'd had so much potential. He'd been selected to go to Atlantis because of his talent and experience, which was greater than any but Col. Sumner and Maj. Sheppard. At least both families have other children, not like Lt. Ford's or Sgt. Nyguen's. I reminisced about the amazing week of fishing I had with the Stackhouses a few summers ago. Gen. O'Neill said I should try fishing in Minnesota with him. I almost think he was serious.

Miss Gupta and Dr. Tamura are both doing well.

Dr. Simpson and Kavanaugh have both been working on the Ancient technology we brought back and didn't come.

January 16, 2005

Only one funeral today, a geologist named Dr. Goldman. She had her ashes spread over a particular remote canyon at sunrise. It was a beautiful place, but one of her colleagues told me she'd picked it because of its geological significance. I can't believe that was the only reason.

Dr. Kavanaugh left. He has accepted a position as assistant head of Atlantus research, which is a hands-on position, as opposed to the head of research. Essentially, he'll have Dr. McKay's old job. I hear it's a heck of a flight, so we took him out to a big lunch and gave him a ton of food to take with him, all the things he'd said he'd missed, including a 5 pound block of handmade Vermont extra sharp cheddar. We stuck it in a little wheeled suitcase and tied it with a bow with a Snickers bar on top. It actually made him laugh. More surprising, he thanked us all, both for all we'd done to survive and for accepting him even after his over-critical reports on us, not that he apologized for his behavior. He shook our hands and Dr. Simpson actually let him give her a hug goodbye. I teased her about it afterward. She tweaked my cheek and said it was a shame I was too young for her. Two for two. The ladies are going to give me a big head.

She didn't want to spoil things for Dr. Kavanaugh, so she told us over dinner that she's been put in charge of a new Area 51 department called the Practical Application of Ancient Technology, or PAT for short. They'll be in charge of coordinating Ancient technology research and developing it with industrial applications in mind. Mainly, they'll be putting the drone facility back together and hopefully into production. Then she had another bombshell. There are eight Atlantis ships. The last was found by none other than General O'Neill somewhere here in the Milky Way. More interesting, even though it seems to have been abandoned by its single occupant some two hundred years ago, it has a major component in it that is unique and a kind of residual radiation that suggests time travel was once involved. Naturally, she thinks it might be another ship like the one Maj. Sheppard and the others were in, further evidence that they might still be out there somewhere, somewhen. I like the idea that there might be nine of us, instead of just six. That would bring the survival rate to 10 percent, though I don't know why the 10 percent part matters to me.

The eighth ship also supports Dr. Jackson's theory that the Ancients abandoned Atlantis and gated back to the Milky Way, as opposed to going somewhere else in Pegasus or being eaten by those aliens. Perhaps there are still a few out there somewhere. Their knowledge is what we went to Pegasus for. Maybe the original objective can still be accomplished by someone, if not us.

January 17, 2005

Gen. Hammond, Col. Makepeace, Dr. Corrigan and I flew to Georgia then Florida for Cpl. Parlins' and Dr. Peterson's funerals. Cpl. Parlins is the last of us grunts. He was a funny guy and a worthy opponent in volleyball and he could shoot the hairs off a caterpillar at 100 yards. His family treated me kindly. They were more proud than sad, at least in front of us. Dr. Peterson had been an engineer and an expert in Ancient technology. His family was full of really successful, intelligent and inquisitive people. I was glad Gen. Hammond was there to run cover for us. I don't think I could have successfully dodged all those questions solo.

The others are all well.

I keep finding myself comparing the families and stuff, wondering which is worse. Is it better to be one child of several or to have no family? That sort of thing. Only Miss Gupta and Dr. Corrigan have really shared any thoughts. Miss Gupta says thinking those sorts of things is normal. Dr. Corrigan says it doesn't matter, that it's all sad, no matter the details.

January 18, 2005

Today it was New England. Massachusetts for Dr.s Chang and Johnson, New York for Dr. Biro. All three were women.

Dr.s Chang and Johnson were both young and engineers and from families that were completely heartbroken by their deaths. For some reason I can't forget Dr. Chang's niece, who couldn't have been more than five. With her cute black dress and straight black hair and solemn little face, she read a poem she wrote about her hero, AMi, short for Aunt Milinda. Her love was so pure and intense it almost hurt to listen.

Dr. Biro was the head pathologist. Like Smith and Miller, she was an addition just prior to departure, someone who hadn't worked in the SGC or Atlantus. None of us knew her. I'd never even seen her. Miss Gupta had only met her once, at the Med. staff meeting the morning we left for Atlantis. Even so, by the end of her funeral, I felt like we were old friends. She was apparently one of those eternally cheerful people with a weird sense of humor and lots of loyal colleagues. Her only family was an aunt and a sister who was part of a folk band with a really good sound. They played a song written in her memory. For someone who had almost no family, it was a really homey service.

I don't know why, but it only dawned on me today that everyone we've buried has been in the military or sciences. When I asked Dr. Corrigan about it, why was he the only American besides Dr. Weir who was neither, he explained many of the best qualified Americans were already working for the SGC. Since Gen. O'Neill had forbidden Dr. Jackson from going, none of the others at the SGC volunteered out of respect for him. Dr. Corrigan, however, had come into the program via Atlantus on Dr. Jackson's recommendation to Dr. Weir. I hadn't realized Dr. Jackson had been so gung-ho to go to Atlantis. That explains why he was so determined to bring back all he could from Aviquies.

January 19, 2005

In Arizona and New Mexico, we buried two of the last of the Americans, Dr. Abrams and Dr. Gaul, an astronomer and a physicist. Dr. Simpson knew them both pretty well and since they were close enough, she joined us for their funerals.

Dr. Abrams had worked for Area 51 since he was in grad school, which is how he learned he had the gene. He was still pretty young. He had only a father and a sister, but like Dr. Biro, he had a lot of friends, though they were a fairly geeky bunch. One actually recited a elegy in Klingon. This amused Dr. Simpson and impressed Dr. Corrigan, who translated it as it was being sung. It felt like he'd be remembered as a legend, because even though none of them knew what he'd been doing, they all knew it was something big. There's just something different about the Southwest.

What was probably the most awkward moment so far happened at Dr. Gaul's funeral. Dr. Gaul's ex-wife actually approached Gen. Hammond and asked about alimony. The General never ceases to amaze me, how well he deals with people even in their grief. With reassurances she would be taken care of, he had her calmed down in minutes. Dr. Gaul also had what was perhaps the most dramatic final resting place, along the heights next to the Los Alamos observatory. I heard it was no small feat cutting a hole into the rock without causing vibrations that might disrupt any scientific equipment up there.

The only ones left are Dr. McKay and Miss Marshall, who was a nurse, but they seem to be having trouble contacting their relatives.

Tomorrow, Dr. Corrigan heads for Canada with the bodies of Dr. Dumais and Sgt. Sheffield, the first of the internationals for him. I've offered to accompany him. The last thing I want to deal with is more funerals, but why should he have to deal with it all? I know he's trying to make each one special, personal, even if he didn't know them. Either way, he says having a member of the US military present would only raise unwanted questions and complicate an already complicated matter. He says Gen. Hammond has lent him a civilian personal assistant to help, so I suppose that'll have to do.

January 20, 2005

I finally got to visit my folks. I nearly broke down just seeing mom answer the door. They think I was in the Middle East or something and I can't tell them why seeing them again moved me so much. Now I really feel like I'm home. Miss Gupta said it was the same way for her. When will Dr. Corrigan get to visit his mom and sister? I feel kind of bad that we're all going about our lives while he's still dealing with the dead, but he says it's something he wants and needs to do.

January 22, 2005

After talking with everybody and doing a lot of thinking, I've decided I'd like to stick with the SGC but not be on one of the teams. Dr. Corrigan says he'll be working at the SGC as a SSS like Dr. Jackson, only he'll not be a part of a specific team, free to work with whichever team needs him at the time, which is where I got the idea.

I'm going to see if I can get some form of training that will allow me to help with R&D. Ancient technology is the reason all these people died, so if I can somehow help figure any of it out, that's what I want to do. There are only so many people with the Ancient gene, something like one in 15,000. It was difficult enough finding the handful besides me who went to Atlantis. And how do you test people for something that's top secret? They need guys like me to activate Ancient technology, but what if I could help figure it out, too? Maybe I could do that and be a benchwarmer for SGs 3 and 5, a substitute for when one of their guys is in the infirmary or something. Dr. Corrigan has read over my proposal and says it's good to go. I wonder if Gen. O'Neill reads proposals over weekends?

January 23, 2005

He does and I've got myself a new position at the SGC. Seems Gen. O'Neill found helping in the labs a bit of a chore and is glad to have someone else be their ATA guinea pig.

My brother Jim managed to swing by for the weekend with his wife and kids. We played ball in the yard. It was so normal it almost seemed unreal. I still can't believe the Sox won.

Dr. Corrigan says he'd wished he hadn't started with the Russians after Canada because, after so many months without any, he's having trouble with all the alcohol they're expecting him to drink. There were more Russians than any other nationality besides Americans.

Tomorrow I'll head back and start my job at the SGC.

January 24, 2005

Miss Marshall finally got a funeral today, a small ceremony arranged by friends. Seems her only immediate relative was a grandmother who was too ill to deal with it.

A lot of the people who went to Atlantis had little or no family. While trying to gather the best of the best, Dr. Weir had kept in mind it might be a one way trip. She'd even reminded us of it, offering us a chance to back out before stepping through the Gate. Even so, it came as a surprise to find out no one had claimed Dr. McKay's remains. It's more than kind of sad, it seems just plain disrespectful. This guy gave his life trying to save us all. But what can you do if no one in his family cares that he's dead? Of course, it seemed he wasn't too concerned, himself. I actually got to read his copy of the form we all had to sign in case of our deaths in Pegasus. Under burial preferences, he wrote: What do I care? I'll be dead.

He was not an American, which I had forgotten. He was also not military, so there's little hope for a military funeral.

I contacted the others. Dr. Simpson is taking the next flight back to the SGC. Dr.s Corrigan and Kavanaugh will come later tomorrow and Dr. Tamura the day after that. No word from Miss Gupta, which is strange.

Got to see Dr. Reynolds again. He says my proposal to Gen. O'Neill is not only logistically wise, it's emotionally a good choice, too. He's impressed to hear all four of us have decided to "get back up on the horse," not that Dr. Tamura or Miss Gupta could continue working here.

January 25, 2005

We got an email from Miss Gupta. She can't come because she had appendicitis. My heart stopped beating for a minute when I read the news, only one thought in my head: What would we have done if that had happened on Aviquies? It practically made me ill just thinking about it. Would we have lost our medical expert? Would she have tried to teach me what to do? I gave a prayer of thanks that it hadn't been up to me.

We're sending her flowers, a card and a stuffed goat to accompany our get well wishes. She wants to be a part of the decision, even if she can't be here.

Dr. Kavanaugh seems the same. Surprisingly, he didn't take Dr. Simpson getting the better assignment personally. He likes working down there. Dr. Simpson looks more alive than I've ever seen her. Area 51 suits her. I haven't seen Dr. Corrigan so tired since the first weeks on Aviquies. He's still only seen about a third of the European expedition members home, let alone anyone from the Southern Hemisphere. I took them all out to steak.

January 26, 2005

Dr. Tamura arrived the same way she left, with quiet formality. She brought us all treats from Japan. I got a Japanese Giants baseball shirt.

Gen. O'Neill let us use the SGC's briefing room and its global conferencing capabilities to include Miss Gupta in our debate. I can only imagine how much that cost, but the others seemed to think nothing of it. We came up with a bunch of different ideas: Spreading his ashes above the Earth or on top of Cheyenne mountain or putting an urn orbit, things like that. There's a special graveyard at the Alpha site, and since it's not US soil, he could be buried there. But he'd never really worked for the SGC, so it seemed inappropriate. I thought the best idea was to make a special alcove in Atlantus for him, so he could keep watching over his work. Dr. Kavanaugh said the thought gave him the creeps.

In the end, Sgt. Harriman, the Sgt. of Sgt.s, the grease that keeps the SGC running, a man so vital yet modest enough to bring us coffee, it was his idea we liked the best. He suggested, since Dr. McKay's family wasn't interested, pretty much everyone who'd want to come would have security clearance. So maybe we could have a memorial in the Gateroom and let an establishing wormhole take his body. Simple yet grand, scientific yet cosmic, a significant location, a connection to Ancient technology and no travel required. Gen. O'Neill agreed we could. We started making the arrangements.

Sgt. Harriman seemed amused that I saluted him. The others acted like they didn't know who he was. None of them have worked at the SGC, so maybe they don't.

January 27, 2005

We were given permission to go through Dr. McKay's apartment, in case we might find something to inspire us for the funeral and because someone had to do it. There were dead houseplants and forgotten food and books in piles everywhere. Despite the clutter, it was a pretty nice place.

For some reason, Dr. Simpson had this odd compulsion to clean the clutter and Dr. Kavanaugh organized the books and periodicals. He started dividing them up into ones that he wanted and ones that needed to be destroyed or filed away by the SGC because of Dr. McKay's notes in them. Occasionally, he'd read some of Dr. McKay's comments. They were so biting it made us laugh. Dr. Tamura found his CD collection, seems he was a fan of classical piano. She used to play and offered to select a few appropriate pieces. I went through his clothes. He had nothing formal, so we decided he could stay in his Atlantis outfit. After all, no one would see it, and even if they did, they'd all have clearance. Besides, it's not as though any of the Dr.s remembered anything about his color preferences, though Dr. Corrigan remembered he drank more coffee than Russians drank vodka. That made Dr. Kavanaugh remember he claimed to be hypoglycemic and suggested we serve White Russian ice cream. Dr. Simpson then remembered he was a food snob and suggested tiramisu, which is apparently a fancy, coffee flavored dessert. I wondered if we should serve something Canadian, but none of us knows much about Canadian food. We settled on turkey and wild rice, as a kind of nod to both Canada and our life on Aviquies. We called it in to the SGC. All of it should be doable, even on short notice. Apparently, they'd been planning on turkey anyway.

All the talk of food made us hungry, so we ordered delivery for lunch. There was an extensive collection of menus in a drawer by his phone with detailed opinions on various entrees, all as articulate and precise as his professional comments. Over the course of the meal, we discussed destinations we could dial and what we should do with all his stuff. Gen.s Hammond and O'Neill had left that up to us. Miss Gupta kept up with us via her Blackberry, though it was really late where she was. We agreed with Dr. Corrigan that we should sell everything and start a memorial fund, though we're still debating between an annual scholarship for astrophysics students or a lump sum donation to a specific R&D project.

Under his bed, I found a very dusty shoebox of family photos. We all gathered around to go through them. The photos were so few and the people in them so unhappy looking, it was difficult to bear. We decided, as some of the only non academic personal items we could find, they should be in the coffin with him.

About the time we were going to leave for dinner, a neighbor stopped by to ask what was going on. We explained that Dr. McKay had died in an accident and I could swear she muttered, "Jerk." Then she asked about his cat, which she'd been taking care of. When Dr. Simpson instantly offered to take the cat, the neighbor backed off, said she had to think about it. They exchanged numbers and that was that.

There was something oddly satisfying about all of us together going through this process. I can't really explain it, but I can feel it.

January 28, 2005

People from all over came, people none of us considered contacting. We have no idea how they found out, let alone how all the security was dealt with. There are a half dozen Russians and a guy who worked with Dr. Grodin and a few others from Atlantus who'd chosen not to go to Atlantis. To my surprise, both Gen.s Hammond and O'Neill as well as Col. Carter were among those who spoke. Gen. O'Neill's comments were terse yet sincere, but Col. Carter had some pretty colorful things to say about the man. She made us laugh and brought the rocklike Dr. Simpson to tears. Seems she found Dr. McKay a brave coward, thoughtful yet selfish and a brilliant pain in the ass. She said she wished she could have seen all he might have accomplished. It was like his death encapsulated the whole Atlantis experience. There was so much potential lost.

For the sake of drama and the convenience of not having to set up a platform, Col. Carter had decided to have his coffin lowered into the Gateroom after all the speakers had finished. It was accompanied by a surprisingly uplifting piano piece Dr. Tamura had chosen. When the music came to an end, Sgt. Harriman started dialing the Gate. We'd settled on P3R-272, the place where Gen. O'Neill was first given all the knowledge of the Ancients. Then, in a brilliant flash of light, Dr. McKay was gone. Surprisingly, there was applause and the air at the reception was almost festive.

That evening, we saw Dr.s Tamura and Kavanaugh off before heading to a Mexican place that, with good reason, everyone at the SGC recommends. For the first time, it didn't hurt to talk about the friends we'd lost. It's like this chunk of anger and guilt I've been carrying around for months has finally been worn away or knocked loose. Dr. Simpson said she kind of felt the same way. Dr. Corrigan thinks it's because, for the first time, we got to go to a funeral where everyone knew everything. There'd been no lying to relatives and the people there knew what had really been at stake. We made a toast to all the people we lost, all the people we still have and all the people we have yet to meet.


	8. February

NOTES: Thank you all for following me on this journey that insisted on being written. I was not expecting this to become my most popular work; you all have made me a very happy writer. I had to give you all this one along with January, because here is where the story ends. Thank you, PurpleYin, for betaing this.

DISCLAIMER: _Stargate: Atlantis_ and all things associated with it belong to other people, though Tamura and Gupta are mine.

SPOILERS: Before I Sleep

RATING: T

* * *

MARKHAM'S JOURNAL: EPILOG 

February 2, 2005

I've bought a car and moved into a condo near the base in a little complex that's mainly full of SGC personnel. Today, my formal instruction in Ancient and the basics of crystal-based technology began. Dr. Kavanaugh and his team have figured out how the thought controls on the control chair activate the power cells in the drones, putting us one step closer to understanding how they work. Dr. Simpson is now the proud owner of the adopted tomcat Jane McKay, though the name baffles us all. Miss Gupta has found work with an international organization that involves travel to many countries, including the US. Dr. Tamura is being considered for a job in Area 51 and Dr. Corrigan should be finished with funerals in a week.

Below the memorial plaque on the wall behind the gate that lists all those who have died in the service of the SGC is a new plaque, listing all those who died for the Atlantis Expedition. The last of our allies now knows about our three missing expedition members and the Dr. Rodney McKay memorial fund is accepting essays from astrophysics students for the fall 2005 semester.

Seven months ago, our journey began. Now we're going to start a new one.


End file.
